SuperWoman can’t decide what to call this episode. Is it “Breakfast in the Time of Chaos”? “Winning!”? or is it “Why Is There no F-ing Peanut Butter in This F-ing House?”
Sunday morning, the first weekend after the start of school (which Mr. B claims is the best place on earth, but not in those exact words).
SuperWoman: Damn straight!
Mr. B: Boy child of five, picky eater and sometimes pain in the ass for people who live with him. Okay, probably a little more than just sometimes.
Mortal Husband: Poofy haired man who fluctuates between superhero and mortal depending on SuperWoman’s mood. Usually makes the children breakfast, for which SuperWoman is eternally grateful.
SuperWoman: What do you want for breakfast? Do you want Honey Nut Cheerios? We have two boxes of them.
Mr. B: No.
SuperWoman: We have hamburger buns! Do you want peanut butter on a hamburger bun?
Mr. B: Uh. No.
SuperWoman: Well what do you want then?
Mr. B: Bagel. Bagel and cream cheese.
SuperWoman: Okay. Opens the refrigerator. Oh. We’re out of bagels.
Mr. B: Okay, peanut butter on a bun then.
SuperWoman: Mortal Husband, where’s the peanut butter? I can’t find the peanut butter. There is way too much jelly in this refrigerator and not enough peanut butter.
Mortal Husband: Uh, I don’t know.
SuperWoman: I’m not finding the peanut butter!
Mortal Husband: Oh, wait. We’re out of peanut butter. Yup. Out of it.
SuperWoman: Out of peanut butter? I was just at the store! Why didn’t I buy any peanut butter! Mr. B, we don’t have peanut butter either.
Mr. B looks back with wide eyes. SuperWoman summons her magic creative breakfast-making powers and says:
How about cream cheese on a hamburger bun?
Mr. B: Sighs. Fine. But make a hole in it so it’s like a bagel.
SuperWoman thinks Whatever, kid, you think I’m some kind of a chump, like some hole in the middle of your hamburger bun makes it a bagel, you really need to grow up and eat more food, this cream cheese is going to tear the damn bun apart and then you won’t even have a bun, why the hell did I buy you all that cereal if you’re not going to eat it, how can we be out of things already when I just went to the store on Friday? I really don’t feel like going to the store again.
SuperWoman can’t decide if she’s serving the force of good or evil.