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SuperWoman Makes Breakfast

September 9, 2012

SuperWoman can’t decide what to call this episode. Is it “Breakfast in the Time of Chaos”? “Winning!”? or is it “Why Is There no F-ing Peanut Butter in This F-ing House?”

Setting:

Sunday morning, the first weekend after the start of school (which Mr. B claims is the best place on earth, but not in those exact words).

Characters:

SuperWoman: Damn straight!

Mr. B: Boy child of five, picky eater and sometimes pain in the ass for people who live with him. Okay, probably a little more than just sometimes.

Mortal Husband: Poofy haired man who fluctuates between superhero and mortal depending on SuperWoman’s mood. Usually makes the children breakfast, for which SuperWoman is eternally grateful.

Act I

SuperWoman: What do you want for breakfast? Do you want Honey Nut Cheerios? We have two boxes of them.

Mr. B: No.

SuperWoman: We have hamburger buns! Do you want peanut butter on a hamburger bun?

Mr. B: Uh. No.

SuperWoman: Well what do you want then?

Mr. B: Bagel. Bagel and cream cheese.

 

Act II

SuperWoman: Okay. Opens the refrigerator. Oh. We’re out of bagels.

Mr. B: Okay, peanut butter on a bun then.

SuperWoman: Mortal Husband, where’s the peanut butter? I can’t find the peanut butter. There is way too much jelly in this refrigerator and not enough peanut butter.

Mortal Husband: Uh, I don’t know.

SuperWoman: I’m not finding the peanut butter!

Mortal Husband: Oh, wait. We’re out of peanut butter. Yup. Out of it.

SuperWoman: Out of peanut butter? I was just at the store! Why didn’t I buy any peanut butter! Mr. B, we don’t have peanut butter either.

Mr. B looks back with wide eyes. SuperWoman summons her magic creative breakfast-making powers and says:

How about cream cheese on a hamburger bun?

TA-DA!

Act III

Mr. B: Sighs. Fine. But make a hole in it so it’s like a bagel.

SuperWoman thinks Whatever, kid, you think I’m some kind of a chump, like some hole in the middle of your hamburger bun makes it a bagel, you really need to grow up and eat more food, this cream cheese is going to tear the damn bun apart and then you won’t even have a bun, why the hell did I buy you all that cereal if you’re not going to eat it, how can we be out of things already when I just went to the store on Friday? I really don’t feel like going to the store again.

 

SuperWoman can’t decide if she’s serving the force of good or evil.

End Scene.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Carol Smith September 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

There you have it…….It’s all in the presentation!

Reply

Kate September 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Ta da! Magic! (but no PB? How will you survive?)

Reply

Sandra September 10, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Don’t question whether you’re serving good or evil. Just be grateful that Mr. B actually bought the whole “Hamburger bun with a hole in the middle” schtick and at it. …But just so you know, you are serving good :)

Reply

Kristen @ Motherese September 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Among other things, your post brings up the age-old question of whether peanut butter belongs in the fridge or in the pantry. One of the reasons I am a strong pantry advocate is that cold peanut butter is really hard to spread.

That bagel bun would have been toast. (Pun intended.)

Reply

Jana September 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm

You make an interesting point. We use the natural kind with the oil, and I’ve noticed they are not all the same. There’s a certain brand that begins with an “s” that costs me a whopping four bucks, but it tends to spread fairly easily. Which reminds me: next time I do this, I’ll cut the holes out after the spreading happens. (That’s the kind of sentence that makes people’s brains hurt.)

Reply

Heather Caliri September 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I feel a sense of complete desolation when the acceptable alternative to the first out-of-stock request is also out-of-stock. It’s completely unfair! It is wrong!
Also, I discovered this morning we are nearly out of butter. Sigh.

Reply

Cathy September 13, 2012 at 5:20 pm

You know….if it looks like a bagel…..

Reply

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