On the way out of the library yesterday, my daughter grabbed this book off of a display shelf.
A little too young for a two-and-a-half-year old, but Hey, I thought. It’s history. And I can read it to my four (so close to five) year old.
I convinced Mr. B to forsake his Ninjago comic book tonight for what I suspected to be a tame piece of historical biography. (And because I’m really tired of those Lego ninjas.) This is how the storytelling goes: I focus on the words; he focuses on the pictures. I’m always surprised by what he sees, or rather, what he doesn’t miss.
So as we turned the pages, Mr. B asked a lot of questions about the pictures:
Why is Abraham Lincoln so tall?
What does he put in that huge hat?
What does it mean to be the president?
And then things got more complicated.
Why does that man (Frederick Douglas) look so angry?
What are slaves?
Why are all the slaves little kids?
And finally, Why did that man shoot Abraham Lincoln?
Did that man go to Heaven with Abraham Lincoln?
Jesus.
At least I can say I checked a few boxes off for his future history teacher.
Now Mr. B knows all a four-year-old needs to know about slavery. He hates white people. He understands why Frederick Douglas was so angry. (Luckily, I was able to persuade him not to hate white people, because they realize now that they made big mistakes.)
No, I never knew Abraham Lincoln personally. He lived way before me. Before Grandmom, before Mum-mum, before Mum-mum’s mom, and before Mum-mum’s mom’s mom.
The man who killed Abraham Lincoln (John Wilkes Booth, not Lee Harvey Oswald, which, I’ll admit, took me about fifteen seconds) may or may not be in Heaven with Lincoln. Some people believe bad people go to a different place.
“With the dinosaurs? Dinosaurs were bad.”
Sure. With the dinosaurs.
But that can’t happen to a president anymore. Now there are security guards who surround President Obama and protect him.
“Do they have swords or guns?”
I sighed. Guns.
And then we closed the book and Mr. B told me I should have skipped the bad parts, that now those pictures were stuck in his head. So I sang him “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and added some nicer pictures. All the kids fly up to the sky and eat M&Ms and chocolate milk and dance around the moon and play Sonic the Hedgehog video games.
The end, goodnight.
This is yet another Momalom 5 for 5 post. Today’s theme is “Pictures.”
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That was very funny!
Well. At least he has a decent foundation in Social Studies for when he gets to grade school. Ha. I have to admit, I got a kick out of the “with the dinosaurs” comment.
Long time no see! Now I’m heading over to your blog….
My kids would like how you ended the bedtime story! And with the dinosaurs is way better of an explanation than some I have used with my convoluted explanations for the afterlife.
He came up with the dinosaurs. I just went with it. He’s a sensitive kid, so I’ve been wary of even letting him know that bad guys exist in the real world, not just in storybooks. (I never realized how deeply I would want to shelter my kids from all the ills of the world.)
I’ve done this too. Why? Oh why!?!
How many times have I said to myself, “Vet the children’s books ahead of time, Heather. Vet the children’s books.” And yet I continue to end up reading (very) questionable passages with lots of pauses for impromptu editing or questions.
Also: love the blog title. In my husband’s hometown there is a liquor store called the “Attitude Adjustment Shoppe”. If I didn’t get along with my in-laws so well I might be a regular visitor.
I know. I always tell myself I’m going to do that, too. But this was Lincoln and the first few pages were about him growing up. I somehow forgot how the story would end….
What a great name for a liquor store!
There are dinosaurs in Hell? Okay, I’m going there, for sure. I’d love to hang out with a dinosaur.
this is funny! and i think you definitely should score points for saving his future american history teacher a lot of awkward questions :)
I love his brain! Those are great questions. I’d like to imagine that old Abe kept contraband pipe tobacco in that stovepipe hat.
What is with the BIG questions at bedtime? Sigh. It must have something to do with the reading. When we went to see the actual Lincoln Memorial this past summer, my almost-3-year-old (at the time) asked, “How he can get down from there?” She is a laugh a minute, that one. :)
Jana, I love reading your blog…Thanks to your Mom I got to read assassination stories at bedtime. Loved it! I also LOVE that you call Ben Mr. B! I think you guys are having wayyyy too much fun…and I sure do MISS those days…Cherish them, as I’m sure you’re doing…they are the best years of your life! Little kids are the best invention…there is nothing better! I also LOVE the fact you have this blog to write it all down, for posterity sake, or bribery, someday…if you need it. Happy Birthday to Ben!!!