Progesterone: a hormone which plummets in a woman’s fourth decade and may cause brief, intermittent bursts of psychotic behavior.
See also:
Children: Small screeching creatures who change settings on woman’s iPhone.
Husband: A man who “does dishes” by leaving large pots in the sink.
Dishes: Porcelain, plastic and glass items that magically appear only moments after they are put away.
Synonyms: Laundry
Antonyms: Freedom
Neighborhood Bank
1: Asbestos-ridden financial building whose workers look like they crawled out of a hole in the ground.
2: Institution whereby citizens hand over hard-earned money and are told they cannot retrieve it for several days. (Citizens apparently do this willingly. White-haired and/or balding men get rich from the interest.)
See also:
Interest: something women with low-progesterone levels rarely have.
61° and raining
1: weather report for Friday, January 27th near Philadelphia
2: symptom of polar ice caps melting
3: sign of “end times”
4: weather which, combined with woman’s low progesterone levels, causes increased propensity toward psychotic behavior
Free and easy wanderer pills: magical, easy to swallow pills given by acupuncturist or herbalist which make Woman her usual enthusiastic, nurturing self
Tea
1. archaic: universal antidote to common ailments such as seasonal affective disorder, anxiety, moments of existential crisis
2. modern: universal antidote to common ailments such as seasonal affective disorder, anxiety, moments of existential crisis
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the laughs! My husband must’ve learned to do dishes from the same person who taught your husband!
Ha! You had me laughing! Yay! I decided to play along…
Progesterone: A hormone replacement pill that some women must take to reduce their risk of miscarrying. May lead to multiple psychotic episodes and decreased libido.
See also:
Hyperemesis Gravidarum: An extreme form of morning sickness that can lead to severe dehydration, moodiness, and decreased libido.
But, seriously, I hope things level out soon. ):
And “Pregnancy: a situation that causes a woman’s decreased libido. Because really, what’s the point?”
So true! So funny – thanks…
And somehow the link to those magic pills didn’t work?!
I had no idea. There is legitimacy in my psychosis.
Moments of existential crisis? Who has those? ;)
Sending some sunshine your way from WI. Just keep sipping your tea until it gets there….
Love this. You are so creative!
Love the dishes/laundry/freedom set. Well. Really, I hate the dishes and laundry and miss my freedom.
I wish it had been 61 today. Ug. I think we had 80s with 90% humidity. As in please, let me just curl up and die weather.
I’ve also been told tea is the antidote to prolonged pregnancy. Not that we’re past any set deadlines. (Though no one else seems to know that.)