Act I, Scene 1.
SuperWoman vs. TalkMonster and His Sidekick, WonderMess
SuperWoman dresses in suburban mom attire to once again hide her spandex and shimmering gold belt from public view. On this particular day, she wears Mary Janes, capris, a jacket, and a pink scarf.
She bravely lugs her “children” to a neighborhood chain eatery that serves baked goods, soups, and antibiotic-free chicken sandwiches. (She does not do free advertising, so will not name said “bakery.”)
WonderMess ends up with more health-free mac-n-cheese on her face and high chair than in her mouth.
TalkMonster spills his juice all over the floor and eats a veggie-free bagel before begging for a protein-free pumpkin muffin.
SuperWoman knows that sugar is THE SECRET WEAPON that makes these villains shut up and later, sleep, so she braves the stares of the undercover Mom-Police and allows TalkMonster and WonderMess to bury their faces in soft cakes. (It’s also because she’s very patriotic.)
After cleaning up and narrowly escaping the red laser eyes of the Mom-Police, SuperWoman gathers her “children” into the car, dodging suburban mini-vans. As she leaves the strip mall parking lot, TalkMonster’s effort to make SuperWoman collapse with fatigue begins….
TalkMonster: “Mommy, do you see that shopping cart?”
SW: “Yes.”
TalkMonster: “Why is it turned upside down?”
SW: “I don’t know. Maybe someone turned it over.”
TalkMonster: “Was it a bad guy? A robber? Or a shooter? Or the evil witch Hagar?” (TalkMonster watches the 1980′s show Voltron on YouTube, care of his father’s nostalgia, which features a valiant princess with whom he has fallen in love.)
SW: “I don’t know. Maybe someone turned it over, or maybe the wind did it.”
TalkMonster: “How?”
SW: “I don’t know. You know, I don’t know everything. Moms don’t know everything.” (Wink.)
TalkMonster: “But daddies do.”
SW: “No they do NOT. Grown-ups don’t know everything. No one knows everything.”
TalkMonster: “What don’t they know?”
(SuperWoman strategically chooses not to answer. She experiences ten blissful seconds of quiet.)
TalkMonster: “Can you see my shoe in your mirror?”
SW: “Yes.”
TalkMonster: “Can you see my shoe now?”
SW: “Yes.”
TalkMonster: “Can you see it now?”
SW: “No.”
TalkMonster: “Now?”
SW: “No, I can’t. I’m driving. I have to concentrate.” (Score.)
The library is in view. SuperWoman juggles her coffee, diaper bag, and deceptively small antagonists into the library where, in plain clothes so as not to be noticed, she researches ways to make TalkMonster and WonderMess respect their elders and sit quietly for one or more hours. It’s a TOP SECRET mission.
Meanwhile, her “children” play with germ-ridden toys and bang on the keyboards of computers, secretly inserting viruses into the software to shut down the county’s inter-library-loan capabilities.
SuperWoman drifts off in her chair.
Will she prevail? Or will TalkMonster’s shrill voice rise again?
Find out next time in…
The SuperWoman Chronicles
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
SuperWoman is quite excited to share that “Voltron: Defender of the Universe” will be revived in June 2011. Yet another exciting way to defeat TalkMonster! http://www.voltron.com/
it’s a shame that it’s just not acceptable to put wine cooler in sippy cups any more… ;)
A veggie-free bagel and a protein-free muffin — love it! I can’t wait to see a performance of SuperWoman the Play when it tours.
I think you should check on the copyright’s to this play. I believe this same dialogue was used yesterday in my car. Love it! I totally heard L’s voice when I was reading this.
There are certain places (that will remain unnamed) that I should not ready The Superwoman Chronicles. The reason is that I snort and laugh out loud and it can be disruptive. Or maybe just give me away. (If you know what I mean).
Well played Jana.
Christine @ Coffees & Commutes recently posted..The Gift of Memories
Hmmm, I’m thinking SuperWoman and moms in general DO know everything – especially what the little ones are trying to hide. Most especially.
Cathy @ All I Want To Say recently posted..for my sister
I just stumbled upon your site and started to read “The Superwoman Chronicles”. The fact that another 5 yo boy watches Voltron out there is so comforting to me. I love the way you refer to your children as my family and friends often raise their judgmental eyebrows at me when I refer to my children as “underlings” or “small employees”. I feel like we speak the same language and I am hooked! ;) Have a super day!