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Guest Post: Spilling It (My Secrets, Not My Starbucks)

February 18, 2011

Today I welcome Shari–Dusty Earth Mother–for the Never True Tales Won’t You Be My Neighbor series. I found Dusty last year (way back when she was still on blogspot and I was on WordPress.com) and quickly started laughing out loud at her adventures in childrearing. Then we met face to face at the BlogHer Conference and helped each other find yogurt, cookies, and TweetDeck. Here we are, one fall and one winter later, still blog neighbors, despite our fancy new abodes. I’m sure you will enjoy her as much as I do.

Spilling It (My Secrets, Not My Starbucks)

By Dusty Earth Mother

I’ll be honest with you. I’m not sure I have any secrets left to spill.

I mean, come on, last week I confessed on my blog that I was on my way to a children’s play with my kids, my son threw up in the car and when I went to get my emergency bag of clothes in the trunk, I discovered that they were stiff and crusted with vomit from the last time he threw up (apparently someone had just stuck them back in the bag—I have no idea who that someone could be. N.o. i.d.e.a. I. t.e.l.l. y.o.u.)

Then I confessed that I put the dried-vomit clothes on him and took him into the play.

Seriously, does it seem like I keep any secrets from you?

Not convinced?

How about this?

Yesterday I was rushing to get to an afternoon birthday tea for a friend. I grabbed my jeggings (and the fact that I admit that I wear jeggings should be enough to let you know that I’m open about my failings) out of the laundry basket and slid them onto my no-business-wearing-jeggings body.

(By the way, this was the CLEAN LAUNDRY basket, stuff that I had separated and folded, but had not yet made it into drawers. And by CLEAN LAUNDRY, I mean only a trace amount of dried vomit.)

As I sat at the tea, I noticed something peculiar on my thigh. I surreptitiously felt myself up and there was a definite lump under my jeggings.

Sock, I surmised. But not on the foot. On the thigh. A balled-up sock, apparently static-clung to the inside of my jeggings.

So much for my CLEAN LAUNDRY-separating-and-folding skills.

I chuckled and confessed to my friends about my thigh-sock (I told you I’m open about my failings), and promptly forgot about it.

When I got home, I remembered to retrieve the thigh-sock. I unzipped my jeggings, reached in and grabbed the sock and pulled it out.

And kept pulling.

And pulling.

And pulling.

It was not a sock. It was a pair of tights.

A thick pair of winter tights, balled-up and static-clung to the inside of my jeggings.

Now try to imagine what my silhouette looked like with that much extra material stuffed into my already-overstuffed skin-tight pants.

Not a pretty mental image, is it?

And so, my friends (and by FRIENDS, I mean you who are still willing to socialize with someone who keeps vomit-covered clothes in her car and displays her extra-lumpy butt in a fancy tea-house), you now know that I keep no secrets from you.

I don’t need to spill it.

It’s been spilt.

If you want to learn more about Dusty Earth Mother, click here. If you want to participate in or read the Won’t You Be My Neighbor series, click here.

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy @ Never-True Tales February 18, 2011 at 9:08 am

Ha! I think I’m going to like you! And since I’ve done the same with a ski sock in my pants at work, I think we have to be friends. Glad to read you here, and glad to meet you via Neighbor Friday!

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Amy @ Never-True Tales February 18, 2011 at 9:09 am

Oh, and don’t forget to come link up at Never-True Tales, so we can spread the love of this post even further!

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 11:41 am

Thanks, Amy! I had fun writing this and so glad to hear that I have a fellow thigh-sock friend now.

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Justine February 18, 2011 at 11:51 am

This was such a fun read! Great to meet you Shari, and for introducing us Jana. I tell ya, motherhood/parenting really does rob us of our dignity sometimes. I mean, come on, we start off covered in poop and spit-up, thinking it could only go uphill from there right? And now we know. We were so wrong.

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 1:12 pm

So nice to (virtually) meet you, Justine! And dignity? What’s that?

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Nina Badzin February 18, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I’m just impressed you fit into jeggings with something stuck inside them! That’s a major feat!

Jana–the blog looks AMAZING!

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 8:36 pm

I wondered why they were so tight. I thought it was the copious amount of scones I consumed that day.

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TheKitchenWitch February 18, 2011 at 2:23 pm

This is great stuff! As a chronic over-sharer, I am sitting here laughing and nodding my head! ps: I still have a ziploc bag of peed-in underwear from three weeks ago in my car. Soulmates!

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 8:37 pm

A ziploc bag of peed-in underwear in your car? I think I love you :-)

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Kelly February 18, 2011 at 3:18 pm

It’s not over sharing. It’s “living declaratively” — and it’s the best way. ;)

Had so much fun reading this!

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 8:37 pm

“Living declaratively”. I am so stealing that, Kelly.

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rebecca @ altared spaces February 18, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Oh, come on, spill more please. It’s so fun to read. Sort of like the fun I have looking in the mirror. Do it again!!!

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I will, I will. Until you say “stop”.

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Cathy @ All I Want To Say February 18, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I love to read anyone who can make me feel better with their own mishaps. I’ll have to think of some to spill.

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dusty earth mother February 18, 2011 at 8:40 pm

I live to make people feel better about themselves, Cathy.

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Mrs.Mayhem February 18, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I love me some Dusty! So happy to find her (with her distinct down-to-earth humor) here!

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dusty earth mother February 19, 2011 at 8:56 am

Mwah, Mrs. M.

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Tracie February 19, 2011 at 12:43 am

I love it.

The fact that your jeggings were clean puts you way ahead of me!

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dusty earth mother February 19, 2011 at 8:57 am

I am somewhat impressed with myself for actually putting on clean pants.

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Stacia February 19, 2011 at 1:31 am

My daughter is missing one of her favorite (pink, of course) striped knee socks. I keep thinking it’s going to turn up in a fitted sheet in the linen closet and get a little bit hopeful every time I change a bed. But now I’m going to check my jeggings! =>

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dusty earth mother February 19, 2011 at 9:00 am

Check them and let us know. That would be too cool.

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Alexandra February 19, 2011 at 1:33 am

Still doesn’t scare me away.

i love you, dusty

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dusty earth mother February 19, 2011 at 9:00 am

Nothing about me scares you, Empress. You’re so tough. Love you back.

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Carrie February 19, 2011 at 2:02 am

Two of my favorite blog people together in one click? I love it!
I so understand having a change of clothes for vomit, that actually have vomit on them. Infact, throw up, is pretty much a central feature in my life!
This might seem unrelated, but your tights stuck in leggings story reminded me of a co-worker who couldn’t figure out all day what was wrong with his khaki’s. Mid-day he realized they were his wife’s. hee hee
Between your son’s throw up clothes, trapped tights, and memories of wardrobe mishaps, I am laughing up a storm. Thank you!

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dusty earth mother February 19, 2011 at 9:01 am

“Trapped tights” made me laugh. Love you, Carrie!

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Christine February 20, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Hmmm. Should I admit what I thought might be balled up in your pants. Because I’ve been there. MORTIFIED. I hope you know what I mean.

Lovely to meet you here at Jana’s!

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dusty earth mother February 21, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Yes. I do know what you mean. Now I’m so glad it was tights.

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erin margolin February 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

This is utterly fantastic & funny, and it reminded me that I need to replace the bag of extra clean kids’ clothes in the back of my car. And add a pack of wet wipe and some trash bags. LOL!

Loved this!

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dusty earth mother February 21, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Replace! Replace! For the love of God, replace!

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parenting ad absurdum February 21, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Oh Dusty, how I wish you lived close by, because I think you’d be one of the true friends I have, one that I don’t have to block the view of the interior of my car from, one that gets why there’s a three-year old sippy cup under the passenger’s seat growing its own life form…

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Jana February 22, 2011 at 7:49 am

I haven’t chimed in yet but I’ve been enjoying the discussion. I just keep wondering how I can get my hands on a pair of jeggings. They’d go so well with my Ugg knock-offs.

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Leslie February 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

It’s true.
I already bought mine – when I saw jeggings at Ann Taylor Loft, I figured that meant it was okay for me to have some.

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Lady Jennie February 22, 2011 at 12:47 pm

When I was in jr high, I put on the same pair of pants I always wore (so much that people commented, when I was at the blackboard in front of everyone). Anyway, one time I saw something white sticking out while the lights were off for a movie, and it turned out to be my dirty underwear from the day before.

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Rosella Wise December 14, 2011 at 4:39 am

Loved this! I think I’m going to like you! I’ll have to think of some to spill.

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