I really do love my suburban neighborhood, which often feels more like the outskirts of a city. The houses on my street are called “twins” because each has an indelible architectural connection to the other–-the wall. (Siamese style). House deJana is on a corner, which means that I hear the comings and goings of many more neighbors than I’d like. It also means that we have more lawn and sidewalk to contend with. In the summer, there’s a bit more lawn to mow, a few more weeds to pull than the other houses around us. In winter? You guessed it. Shoveling. Lots and lots of shoveling.
Usually, caring for our “estate” isn’t that big a problem, except when, a couple of years ago, my husband and I got a note in our door from an anonymous neighbor. Our lawn hadn’t been cut for about two weeks, since we were both working full-time, adjusting to taking care of the needs of a very mobile toddler, and dealing with a devilish virus. The message, written on a blank index card in perfect, Catholic penmanship, said:
You may have noticed that you moved into a neighborhood that is very house proud.
It would be appreciated if you took better care of your yard.
Of course, we were flabbergasted. By whom would it be appreciated? Our yard really didn’t look that bad. But what asshole would write this anonymous letter? We took comfort in the fact that despite the neat penmanship, she (we assumed) did not put a hyphen between “house” and “proud.” Ha! Dummy! Still, we were dying to find out about our secret un-admirer. I googled our neighbors to see if anyone had obsessive compulsive disorder, if anyone was a landscaper, or why someone would have targeted us, two nice people with a kid. A friend of ours decided it must be political since we had displayed lawn signs for Democrats in a fairly conservative neighborhood. So he made us a special sign:
"House-Proud Americans for Barack Obama"
Notice the hyphen?
Two years later, the mystery remains unsolved. Yet the house-proud phenomenon showed us something about the underbelly of our working-class, family-oriented neighborhood. (There is a lot of Coca-cola and pizza.) The anxieties and superficial to-do lists of yuppies have no place here. If you don’t put out your trash the night before, someone notices. If you don’t cut your lawn, there may be raised eyebrows, snarky comments among the older folk, even anonymous letters. And come winter, when a snowstorm hits? You better get your ass out to shovel.
Snow begins to fall, and the pressure mounts. How soon before one needs to don gloves and get out there to scrape it up?
1/2 inch?
1″? 3″?
If it happens overnight, how early can one begin scraping it up or blowing it out?
5:30 a.m. is fine, right?
It doesn’t help that most people in this community are Catholic, so the guilt takes hold fast. If it’s been snowing for hours, and is going to snow for hours more, you still best get your ass out to shovel. Get a head start. Tighten those boot straps.
Oh? You prefer to sit inside by the fire and drink tea?
What’s wrong with you? Someone needs to put a note in your door.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
We’re snow-proud over here. Meaning, we love what little snow we get so much that we let it stay right where nature dumped it. Unless, of course, there’s a ton and we have to shovel to get out of the driveway, but that’s it. Our walk is never done.
Ha Ha Ha! I am laughing so hard over this post! I love it! I myself have a lot of Catholic guilt and always feel bad if we don’t shovel right away- and then I also shovel my elderly neighbor out too- I know I know- I probably shouldn’t feel guilt over it- but I do. However, I would never never make anyone else feel guilty about it!!
I’ll put a note on your door.
“go girl go.” or rather “sit girl sit.”
if you ever find out who left you the note and REALLY want to unnerve the person, take them baked good, and be extra nice to the point they begin to wonder if you’re a serial killer.
We have made lots of guesses about the culprit. And while it may seem sexist and ageist, I’m assuming it’s a retired woman who lives across the street. Who else has the time to care?
Perhaps some of us just enjoy being out in the snow and feeling a sense of accomplishment when the job is done. I enjoy my coffee even more when my cheeks are rosy, my hair is matted to my head and my neighbors can get in and out of their houses.
Outrageous! Do people really do that?
Ooh, my God!!! I can´t believe those things happen!!!
Don´t your anonymous writer t have anything to do????
I like Tacy´s comment and I agree with her suggestion
I’m chuckling. You might be interested to know that we built our second house in a community that had “covenants” built right in the purchase agreement for the land. That is to say we were legally obliged to have: a two car garage, more than 17oo square feet, a stone/brick facade, and a light at the end of our driveway.
Pretentious isn’t it?
Yes, pretentious. You’re making me see Canada in a whole different way. :)
Wow, I thought people only left notes on windshields! Love the yard sign–the perfect comeback!
We moved into our first house when I was 3 months pregnant with my first child. Our lawn was the envy of our (older generation) neighborhood when we bought the house. Nate was born in June and it was a hot summer. I was more concerned with figuring out how to be a mom then I was with watering my lawn. The whole thing died. It looked like the Clampets had moved in. I am very surprised no one left us a note! The next spring we ripped up the whole lawn (by hand!!), the hubbs put in sprinklers and we laid sod (again by hand) and it has returned to its glory. I’m sure our neighbors have issue with our lack of a snow-blower (is that one word or hyphenated? I don’t want the grammar police after me!) so I feel your pain!!
Wow, can I just say that I’m glad we don’t live in your neighborhood? And, this is exactly why I’d never own a home that is beholden to a HOA. We rented one time and got a note about how our garage was “messy”. Really!
We don’t have a Homeowners’ Association. I don’t think I’d want to live inside one. So we just have the do-it-yourself association of complainers.
Blame the firewalker.
Shovel snow? Not I. I’m usually wistful about sidewalks and neighbors. But today, score 1 point for rural living, where there is no such thing as curb appeal, and some neighbors just let the cows or horses into the yard when the lawn needs a trim. Our driveway is a quarter of a mile long, so the most we do is spread ashes and salt on the worst parts.
I would blame Firewalker, but this happened before our run-in.
You must have a beautiful view of the snow.
Your neighborhood sounds like my next door neighbor. He actually started shoveling our walk because it wasn’t perfectly shoveled to the edge of the lawn. He once also requested that we mow our lawn so it is the same height as his. He’s a crazy person.
I just love the lawn sign–that had me laughing out loud. As for snow removal…I live on my boat in a marina so usually the harbor master shovels the docks. If he doesn’t have time to get to it, some of the other boaters do the shoveling. My strategy: I burrow my head deeper under my down quilt until I hear enough footsteps on the dock to know it’s been shoveled. I don’t think I’d do well in your neighborhood!
My parents received a similar note about their yard when they first moved in. Granted the yard was kind of a disaster but they were broke after buying a house! Terrible!
Snow removal – I have no idea how you guys deal with that kind of stuff. No idea at all.
thats why i live in Houston… its 62 outside right now… we had snowstorm last 2 years in a row… dont think it got above 1/2 inch combined…
thats the beauty of living in texas… if it snows the whole city shuts down… cause even if you know how to drive in it we dont, but do it anyway…
If people spent half the time caring for their children as they do to the appearance of their house, we’d have a much happier world.
That being said, I love to shovel. It gets me “out” of the house.
I just love the lawn sign. I think I would like one for my lawn. Can you ship one up to Canada :)
1. I can *not* believe someone dropped you a note like that.
2. Also can’t believe you were gutsy enough to post that sign in your yard.
3. I love you even more now that I know you did.
Can’t believe someone put that note on your door. But I guess someone decided to appoint themselves as the Home Owner’s Association. Your comeback with the sign? Brilliant.
We once got a nasty-gram (that’s what my husband calls those letters) when the contractor who redid our roof left his sign in the front yard a day too long. Too bad it wasn’t election season or we could have covered up his logo with a “Yes We Can” sign … Why, Yes We Can shoot you the figurative bird for not cutting us some slack.
I’m wondering if I haven’t made it clear that I believe–as everyone does, I’m sure–that shoveling is a necessity. And of course it’s good to help your fellow neighbor shovel out. What I’m talking about is how quickly people jump up to do it, and do it even while it’s still snowing, rather than just relaxing and enjoying a snow storm in their warm houses.
But the issue of shoveling sure gets people riled up. It’s like taxes or gay marriage, no?