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SuperWoman Fights the Winter Blues

January 24, 2011

From The SuperWoman Chronicles….

It’s winter, temperatures are dropping like vegetables from a toddler’s hand, and SuperWoman’s outfit is feeling a little skimpy. Astonishingly, no one knows she’s SuperWoman when she puts on her hat, scarf, and big coat. The boots aren’t gaining her any recognition, either. It seems they’re all the rage this season.

Still, despite constant threats of snow, ice, and frigidity, SuperWoman will not succumb to Seasonal Affective Mood Disorder.

May she present you with a how-to guide.

How to Fight the Winter Blues!

(Enter courageous music….)

Step 1. Margaritas. Duh.

Step 2: Make friends with the cold.

How, you ask? The best way is to walk or jog in it. Outdoor exercise, even in winter, beats the sweaty gym, where you’re always less than a foot away from a sweaty man breathing on you during his sweaty Stairmaster routine. SuperWoman gets up at 5:30 (yes, super!) and walks with a neighbor through the quiet streets of her town. When she comes home, she doesn’t even need coffee. The wind has frozen her eyes wide open! (This new tactic of wakefulness saves money and dishes!)

Step 3. Don’t shave your legs.

What ridiculous patriarchal custom is this, anyway? Though I’m sure a woman came up with it in order to please her husband. Why would anyone want to do that? Not Superwoman! So, let your leg hair grow long. It will keep you warm on your walks in the winter, and it will give you something slightly horrifying to marvel at every time you get into your shiny pajamas. (Beats watching Hoarders.)

Step 4: Vitamins.

SuperWoman’s husband tells her she’s like an elderly person with her pill-pack, but you know what? He’s not super. SuperWoman takes, upon the good advice of a friend (some other mythic creature), Omega-3, B-Complex, a multi-vitamin, and some herb or other her acupuncturist gives her. Voila! No mood disorder.

Step 5: Acupuncture. Seriously.

How did SuperWoman not know of this magic before? Naysayers may cringe at the idea of tiny needles but SuperWoman says, “Don’t be a wimp.” They don’t hurt anymore than stepping out of bed in the morning. And if your acupuncturist is anything like SuperWoman’s (who also deserves her own SuperWoman title), she’ll put feet and handwarmers on you, rub up some lavender lotion on those fingers, and let you float to mystical sounds. This kind of treatment is quite appropriate for SuperWomen, SuperMoms, SuperWives, SuperAnybodies.

Step 6. Take a bath.

Maybe you already do, but for a long time, SuperWoman neglected baths because it meant she had to clean the bathtub first, and she’d be damned before she took it upon herself to complete that task in an 80-something year-old house. But then she bought this special spray that kind of keeps the tub clean between washings, and realized that after a shower, it was nice to fill up the bathtub and rest for a while. Nothing gets you warm and relaxed like sitting in a bath, ignoring the cries of your kids while they complain that their show is over and their butts need to be wiped. No wonder there are so many commercials and movies where women take baths. It’s actually enjoyable. (More so when a husband, any of your three, is home.)

Step 7. Cupcakes. Red Velvet.

You can eat them for all of January, saying that you’re “trying them out” for Valentine’s Day. And then because V-Day is smack-dab in the middle of February, you can eat them that month, too. Then there may be leftovers, which gets you pretty much to spring.

And there you have it.

Put on some toasty socks

Take your margarita on the rocks

Buy yourself a nice loofah

And forget about the winter mouse under your sofa.

Tidings,

SuperWoman



“Margaritas” by Lilia’s photos via Flickr.

Acupuncture Students at NYCTCM” by NYCTCM via Flickr.


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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Justine January 24, 2011 at 4:10 pm

This had me in stitches. Thanks for this Monday morning pick me up! You’re right, shaving is so last year. If my legs aren’t going to see the light of day, who cares what’s under those pants/jeggings?

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Tracy January 24, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Rolling here. Any post that starts a Monday with a recommendation for margaritas has me waving the Team “Adult Beverage” banner. And not that I know of these things, but if you happen to accidentally take a photo of your unshaved legs, you can airbrush them shaved in photoshop! (or gimp.. my personal/free choice plus “gimp” is so much more me sounding than “photoshop”)

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kerryonliving January 24, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Oooh, look at you all sexy and shiny and done over – I like the new look! I agree with all your steps except step 3. I can’t bear the slight look of disgust on my sons face when he strokes my bristly legs and asks why I feel like a hedgehog (do you have those over with you? Like a porcupine only cuter). x

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Nina January 25, 2011 at 3:15 am

Love this!!! By the way, am I imagining things are is this a new blog platform?

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Jana January 25, 2011 at 3:17 am

It’s new, yes! You like?

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Christine January 25, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Oh my God, roaring here. All of it. Particularly the margarita…for me it’s Bailey’s. The drink has to go with the season. I just need it to take the edge off.

P.S. For the first winter EVER I have the not-shaving thing down pat. Though I refuse to look.

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subWOW January 25, 2011 at 3:41 pm

You forgot hibernation. ;-)

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Jana January 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

You know, I was really thinking about saying that. I love hibernating this year. I used to feel guilty, but no more.

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Rudri January 25, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Running in toasty socks. Margarita and red velvet cupcake waiting at the finish line. I could certainly get use to that.

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Christen January 26, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Loved this!

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Ameena January 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I agree with the shaving thing – what’s the point in the winter? I mean tights were invented for a reason, right?

I love, love, love your new blog Jana! It is super cute and yet professional. Great job.

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Stacia January 26, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Don’t forget the sheer entertainment value that Mom’s leg hair has for kiddos trapped inside on the reaaallly cold days … They can braid it! Brush it! Mow it! Drive tractors through it! Hours of fun!

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Kate January 27, 2011 at 9:15 am

Following the foot steps of Super woman would definitely prove helpful for most of the girls ! Not shaving legs to keep them warm during winter morning walks seems to be a big time relief for girls!!!!!!!!lol

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Morocco January 27, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Hilarious!

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Kameron January 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I pretty much don’t shave until it startes getting itchy and bugging me. This usually takes about 2-3 weeks. :o) I don’t drink Margaritas, but the wine is working quite nicely. I will have to look into this acupuncture thing! I need a little of that I think!

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