There’s a food revolution going on. You may have noticed.
Books about eating organic food abound the shelves of your local bookstore. Writers of those books appear on countless talk-shows. High-fructose corn syrup has become a term synonymous with devil.
And I am one of those foodies. Sort of. While I ate only grilled cheese sandwiches for the second five years of my life (and still grew), I now like things like brussels sprouts, green beans, and veggie burgers. While at age ten, you’d find me sitting at the table, pouting at my pork chop even after the dishes were cleared, you’ll now find me savoring my squash risotto with a glass of riesling.
I started to eat a wider variety of foods when I got married. My husband worked in restaurants and picked up some tricks, so when he roasted vegetables with olive oil, salt and pepper, I ate them. He inspired me to try fish, which was surprisingly good. We visited new eateries, and I got more and more adventurous: snapper and squid and collard greens. There’s not much I won’t try now, as long as I trust the cook. However, I don’t cook.
Yet everywhere, I’m getting the message that I should. And it’s pissing me off.
While I love well-prepared food–especially paired with wine–I’m also fully willing to eat pre-made food, frozen food, quick eats. In House deJana, we’re not having cheesesteaks every night, but we are eating frozen spinach pizza, veggie burgers, spaghetti and store-bought meatballs. And I’m fine with that. I have two kids under four. Life is messy and frenetic. There’s not always time for fancy cooking.
Packaged and frozen meals have become popular for a reason, and that reason is our busy lives. While I respect the endeavors of foodies like Michael Pollan, who lament the sorry state of the food on our dinner tables, I also see their revolution as possibly adding to the anxiety of the modern working woman, especially the working mom. A side-effect of this pressure to prepare a more wholesome, organic meal is that she feels, yet again, like she is not succeeding at doing it all.
Take Oprah this past Tuesday, for example. The episode could have come straight out of 19-freakin’-54.
Jessica Seinfeld, seventeen years younger than her very famous husband who made his career off of that last name which she so quickly took as her own, has started to make her own career out of writing cookbooks, while that famous husband smiles on from backgrounds and audiences of the television shows on which she appears. (He’s so proud.) Her new book is about making simple, delicious food for complicated lives. Great! Who can’t get behind that? Except that the implication throughout this episode of network TV was that many women were failing at the easy job of chopping up parsley and mozzarella. One woman on the show always bought prepared food and ordered take-out. Another burned her kitchen hand-towel as soon as she turned on the oven. Can you believe it? Women who can’t make a wholesome, nutritious meal for their families from scratch? Jessica–who no doubt has an abundance of help like nannies, babysitters, and the money to pay for them–then takes her movement to the supermarket aisles, finding women (yet again) who may need advice shopping for those wholesome ingredients.
The topper on the green-bean casserole, though, was her in-home visit to an obviously rich family in Manhattan. A husband sent in a video to Oprah, claiming that his wife was “the worst cook in America.” In fact, he had to put Tabasco on everything because her food had no flavor. Look at this meal, he said as he took off the plastic wrap. The chicken is burnt, sort of. The rice is one of those ten-minute jobs. The asparagus is limp, like a noodle. (You should be thinking more about limp noodles, Buster, since if you insulted my cooking on national television, there would be no stiff asparagus for months. Months.)
But the gorgeous, skinny wife and mom is ELATED, to see Jessica Seinfeld at her door. When she hears she’s going to Chicago to learn to cook a better meal for her family, she jumps for joy and hugs her husband. And when she appears on the show with two plates of pepper steak, rice pilaf and crisp asparagus—one for her son, the other for that jerk of a man—she is in a black sequined apron and heels, simply delighted to have fulfilled the picture of happy, sexy domesticity.
But no one even mentions what, to me, was obvious. Why can’t this asshole make his own grilled chicken? Is he just too handsome? What the bloody hell, man?
So I’m fine with a food revolution. I’d love some simple, tasty ideas for nightly meals that don’t make me break a sweat or gain five pounds. But if the food revolution is going to take hold, we need to make sure it is a joint venture. Men and women roasting garlic and chopping onions. Men wearing the aprons as much as women. Because adding one more item to women’s plates isn’t going to get us anywhere in the struggle for an equitable society. Our lives are busy and complicated enough. It’s best if men and women can tackle this new endeavor together, even when the chicken is burned. And let’s not display those blunders on national television, m-kay?
What’s that smell in the kitchen?
All over America women are burning dinners.
It’s lambchops in Peoria: it’s haddock
in Providence; it’s steak in Chicago:
tofu delight in Big Sur; red rice and beans in Dallas.
All over America women are burning food they’re supposed to bring with calico smile on
platters glittering like wax.
Anger sputters in her brainpan, confined but spewing out missiles of hot fat.
Carbonized despair presses like a clinker
from a barbecue against the back of her eyes.
If she wants to grill anything, it’s
her husband spitted over a slow fire.
If she wants to serve him anything it’s a dead rat with a bomb in its belly ticking like the
heart of an insomniac.
Her life is cooked and digested,
nothing but leftovers in Tupperware.
Look, she says, once I was roast duck
on your platter with parsley but now I am Spam.
Burning dinner is not incompetence but war.
Poem by Marge Piercy, care of margepiercy.com.
Image: “Cupcakes Clone” by toniwbusch via Flickr using a Creative Commons license.
{ 168 comments… read them below or add one }
Until I had children I LOVED to cook. I would try a new recipe or two every week. Pour over cookbooks, plan varied and interesting meals.
And then I tried to carry that enthusiasm over to the family table, a table occupied by two fussy, cranky, boys who would rather chew and spit than eat some of even the more simple things I make. This after being out of the home for 9 or 10 hours, coming home tired and spent from my day, and feeling guilt if I don’t prepare a well-rounded meal of food I know my children won’t eat. You are so right when you say we beat ourselves up about this. I do. EVERY DAY. But I’ve started to just let it go with a belief that in a few years I won’t be able to keep them full. When that happens, you can bet they’ll be eating more interesting meals. Because they’ll be HUNGRY and that’s all I’ll be cooking.
This post rocks!
I think age has a lot to do with it. Yes, my three-year-old wants chicken nuggets every night for dinner. But I doubt he’ll still be eating them constantly when he’s ten. Right now, I see them as protein, something that’s good for him. (Even though I probably wouldn’t eat them myself!)
That poem is pure gold!
I hate Jessica Seinfeld. There. I said it. I hated her first book where she pureed all kinds of foul stuff and hid it in her kids’ food and thought that was a great idea. I hate her smug little face and attitude.
I cook, but mainly for two, because my girls are still notoriously picky eaters. And that’s okay with me. It will change. I also buy jarred sauce and the macaroni in the blue box and frozen meatballs. I think there’s nothing wrong with that!
I’m a firm believer in: If it works for you, why mess with it?
I really don’t believe my kid would eat vegetables in pancakes. He’s too smart. So I’m not keen on her idea, either.
Isn’t the poem great? I was so excited to be able to share it.
I loved the poem as well. It said so much so well.
And I totally agree with Jana – it’s as if in our new, liberated world of being able to have it all, we have somehow mixed up the message and told ourselves we have to do it all as well. I don’t know who/what/where the idea that we should all be living Desperate HOusewives lives came from (maybe TV?) – you know, the life where we have Martha Stewart homes, work at high powered careers, raise fabulous children, cook gourmet food, and serve it all in stilettos and a smile, but let’s start debunking it right now.
I love to cook, but one of my a-ha moments came during 6 weeks of kitchen renovation when I bought a store-made pot pie for dinner and realised that it wasn’t the end of the world and that doing so gave me more time to spend with those fabulous children!
Great post, Jana. Thanks. Off to read the rest of your comments now.
Great post, Jana! I, too, try to partake in the “foodie revolution,” and, it’s only within the past two – three years that I’ve been doing the cooking in my house. Prior to that, my husband did all of our cooking. However, even as I embrace home-cooking and try my hardest to master new recipes, I’m just not good at it. I know that practice makes perfect and that you have to mess things up to figure out how to do them correctly in the future. But, it does make me feel bad about myself when I’ve made a bad meal or wasted food. (I’m not sure if that’s a gender thing as much as just an overall ego thing – but whatever.) And, you’re right, besides Jessica Seinfeld, look at Food Network (which I love on most days). The ease with which home cooks (note: not chefs) like Rachel Ray make full meals in 30 minutes is deceptive. These shows and cookbooks really do make women look like fools if they can’t master these “simple” tasks.
Additionally, I read a lot of Michael Pollan’s work. And, while I agree with him on many levels, one thing I take issue with is that he often implies that women leaving the home for the public sphere in the 50s and 60s led to the downfall of the nation’s eating habits. Generally, I don’t think he’s a sexist; I think he’s just trying to provide context for the years when turkey dinner with trimmings became drive-thru McDonald’s in a bag. But, his argument falls flat when you look at countries like France, where women work and everyone still eats well. Why? Because the French have a CULTURE of food, whereas we do not, and no matter who’s home or not to cook, we just don’t value food in this country and never really have. American cuisine has really just taken off in the past 20 years or so (thanks Wolfgang Puck!), and even then, we still don’t have a culture of eating well here (we still eat alone, in our cars, on the run, etc.). We just know better food now.
While I try really hard not to cook out of a box, one thing I do have to say is that the food movement has created much better frozen or processed foods. I know that seems oxymoronical, but it’s true. There is a distinct difference in taste and nutrition in a box of nuggets from Whole Foods vs. Tyson Chicken Nuggets. For example, when I eat Back to Nature mac and cheese, I feel fine, and it doesn’t taste half bad (not nearly as good as my husband’s homemade mac and cheese of course), but when I eat Kraft mac and cheese, I get really bad headaches afterward, and my body feels like complete crap.
Thanks for the post!
I think you are totally right about there being better frozen/processed foods. I do think I get some pretty good ones. (Breaded eggplant. How bad can it be?) I do read labels and I try, but I try to not worry about trying to try. Does that make sense? No. But I’m trying. :)
First of all, congrats on being “Freshly Pressed!” How very cool. :-)
I read through a few comments, came across your reply to one, and had to steal it:
“I do read labels and I try, but I try to not worry about trying to try. Does that make sense? No. But I’m trying.”
If that doesn’t describe me exactly, I don’t know what does. We buy very little organic (too much $$), but I do cook (mostly) from scratch with a little help from frozen veggies and canned diced tomatoes.
Sometimes, good enough is good enough. The rest can suck eggs.
I admit, I love to cook, I make meals from scratch, mind you I’m a SAHM. Life is pretty hectic here, but I can situate some of that chaos in the home for an extra hour which helps me make my meals. I do however use prepackage things at times because I’m busy, or just plain tired. I can’t imagine rushing home after being out all day and throwing a meal together. I know people do and there are ways to make life easier, such as pre-chopping/washing veggies on the weekend or grating cheese, but still, it must be hard. I always laugh at celebrities who pass themselves off as normal with their slew of staff handling the day to day things that we schmucks have to handle ourselves. I as a SAHM don’t pretend to know what it’s like to be a working mom making a meal, on top of parenting, on top of cleaning, organizing, laundry etc. so for them to do so is something else all together! My motto of parenting is “so long as it’s not hurting anyone, do whatever works!”
Over the weekend I will make a meal or spend half of the day cooking for friends and family and not necessarily partaking of the buffet. But during the week like Joy, my meals are just basic, nothing overly fancy – a quick stir fry and noodles, supermarket brand salads and croissants etc. I really cannot be bothered to cook a proper meal – just too tired to stand those hrs in the kitchen.
Really considering hiring the services of a cook :)
Love this! And not just because I’m a meh cook. I totally did the all organic amazing meals E’s first year. My biggest motivation? Was to make staying at home ‘okay’. When I realized it already was okay, I eased up.
Great post!
Two cheers for Jana! Damn right it needs to be a PARENT/PARTNER thing to get dinner on the table, rather than a MOM/WIFE thing! I recently took a new job that requires an hour commute one-way (of course, we’ll be moving when we can) and my biggest anxiety was “what the hell am I gonna do about dinner??” for me, my husband and my 14 month old. Why do we still encourage men to be helpless and lost in the kitchen??
And why do I feel guilty for “phoning it in” with a jar of Alfredo and frozen tortellini?!? Thank god for modern food – otherwise we’d all starve.
It seems we all share in a common sentiment: Jessica Seinfeld is the kitchen devil.
Ugh.
Great, funny post! Thanks for sharing…
:)
I really don’t blame her as much as Oprah’s producers for the segment. She seems like she’s probably pretty nice.
Great post! And glad I have a husband who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty in the kitchen. I don’t know much about this Jessica Seinfeld, but from what I saw on Oprah, she wasn’t teaching anything I didn’t already know. I mean, really basic stuff that women who want to cook can figure out.
If anyone cooks I will eat…I have no problem with that :-)
http://www.runtobefit.wordpress.com
This is a great post. I don’t have any kids, but my husband and I both work fulltime, so we have plenty to do.
We also both prefer to eat healthful food, yet neither of us is a hobbyist foodie who loves to cook. So we just have a kind of limited dinner menu — broiled chicken breasts with canned low-sodium beans and frozen veggies, turkey fajitas with bell pepper strips on whole-grain tortillas, whole wheat spaghetti with canned low sodium sauce and bagged salad. Quick things that are pretty good for us, that either of us can make (my husband doesn’t feign helplessness in the home, thank God.)
I don’t feel bad about any of it, and I wouldn’t feel bad if I was feeding any of it to a kid (I assume.)
cooking for me is a salad and cut up rotisserie chicken, yet i somehow still loved this post.
http://dearexgirlfriend.com/
Also, don’t forget that men can and often do wear aprons. No need for sexisim. Let’s have everyone-ism :)
Yes, they do! My husband is one of them, for which I am very grateful. Now if I can just find him one with purple sequins….
This is a fabulous post. Though I blog from Haiti without access to US network televison, the thought of that woman with the sequined apron and heals on Oprah sickens me, especially in light of the true struggles Haitian women have feeding their families. I wish Oprah would feature the genius of a mother in one the camps here in Port-au-Prince and the miracles she makes with what few ingredients she can scrape together! Talk about TRULY SIMPLE ingredients–how about some rice, a few beans, and maybe some greens picked alongside a garbage strewn road in the middle of a cholera epidemic!
Thanks for being angered! Oprah needs to get her ass to Haiti!
What an eye-opener! Thanks for stopping by, Kathryn!
Thanks for the post! I love to cook :) Well, I’m learning how to really, but recipes are my fav.
I am a stay at home mom of 4 and guess what…I don’t cook. Back when I only had three the kiddies and I made a Christmas apron complete with hand prints and puffy paint that read “At our house..daddy does the cookin’” I used to cook with wine in hand when I didn’t have kids and I was experimental about it. Half of what we make (organic or not) does not get eaten by number 2 and 4 anyway. I LOVE THIS POST! I missed the Oprah episode (haven’t watched a whole one in years) but I agree. The ladies with nannies not to mention the fabulous kitchens with the industrial stoves and the sharp knives. It is right up there with airbrushed photos if you ask me. “I am woman, hear me roar.”
I so love this post.
Completely agree with you on the Jessica Seinfeld thing.
My mother-in-law sent me her first cookbook for my birthday a few years ago because apparently I wasn’t feeding my kids enough veggies. I know her heart was in the right place. I even tried to put pureed carrots (and then later butternut squash) in the mac n’ cheese, to which my then three year old said, “Mom, this is the most disgusting macaroni and cheese ever.”
And three years later, it still sits in the cabinet, on the shelf, unused. Is there a woman in America who wants it? I’ll give it away for free. Because even though it’s hidden away in a cabinet, it still mocks me.
That’s so funny. I know that would happen around here, too. Give that box to the local salvation army, or something. You don’t deserve to be mocked.
Hello. I hear you! Some Traditions from the 50′s and 60′s has importance.& there’s others that just stupid. I hate when men makes an effort to complain about their woman who can’t cook even though I a great cook!
Brava!
You are DEAD ON about this food revolution causing major anxiety in us mommies. I’m sick of it! I hate spending time in the kitchen. And while I do spend too much money dining out, I’m trying to fix that– and not by cooking more wholesome and delicious meals for my three kids but by mixing convencience foods with foods from as close to scratch as I can get. I’m a single mom and work full time. I don’t get home until after 6 and my kids (7 and under) should all be in bed between 8 and 9. You tell me how I’m supposed to cook a wholesome meal, bathe everyone, go over homework with everyone, and bed everyone in time. No way. I make sure my kids eat. I do the best I can with what I have and try to consistently offer healthy things, especially fruits. But I’m exhausted, stressed, and drained. The foodies can keep their culinary masterpieces. We’re fine with quesadillas.
I love quesadillas! A little guac and some sour cream. And easy.
I love to cook, but I can only do it on the weekend, I make do during the week, it’s too bad, but cooking is the last priority I have after a day filled with a million “to dos”
We have access to packaged stuff and it makes life easier. Why not? I love to cook and do nearly all of it in our house. Somedays I have the energy to cook from scratch, but the point is to feed our families, right? So, I do what I can.
Now, those fish recipes… can you share? I am not a big fan, but fish is so good for you. Or so I’m told.
You are so right to note that another food revolution is underway. This time we’re moving BACK to unprocessed, fresh, organic meals, which in itself is GREAT. But for us, working and overtaxed moms, ends up being just another source of stress, dissatisfaction with self, sense of inadequacy and guilt. The problem with wholesome food, it seems, is that it takes a long time to prepare. And we don’t have that time. When I come home at 6, and I am hungry and tired, and my kids are too, the last thing I want to do is spend another hour puttering over the stove while they proceed to tear the house apart in anticipation. And THEN get a couple of “Yuck! I’m not eating THAT! Give me macaroni, Mama…”
But I think the bottom line is not to see the revolution as the cause of our agony, but rather focus on eradicating that deep-seated, FALSE sense of inadequacy moms seem so prone to having. Ladies, WE ROCK! Once we accept this, everything else should follow.
My sentiment exactly.
Thanks for your post, Jana – you raised some really good points that I haven’t thought about in the context of the new foodie-ness. I am all about more organic foods, and better connection between people and their food. But as a single woman in her twenties, I hadn’t really thought about this in the context of demanding wife- and mom-hood.
However, it frustrates me to see how society can take something that is supposed to be healthful for you and twist into something that makes you stressed out – like Anya is saying. It seems to me that in the US, and especially for US women, there is so much pressure on being perfect, Perfect, PERFECT! Supermom. I’m sure you know the feeling. I just hope that, with the efforts of people like you and those reading here, we can help continue to keep this food movement healthful for all. To me, it seems like just one part in an overall new movement toward holistic health… if we can just remember to keep our sights on holistic, and not perfection. We are doing the best we can – and I think we’re doing awesome!
I loved this. And I agree,- entirely. Just recently got married (I’m 19, he’s 21..) so obviously, we’re both young and unexperienced. What makes ALL the difference in the WORLD, is when I come home from the 8:30-5:30, Chris (“hubby”) pitches in — either by cutting the squash, stirring the soup, washing the dishes or getting out the ice cream for dessert. It takes a lot of pressure off of me.. and, correspondingly, our relationship.
You’re a great writer — funny, and you make your point by using “pretty, big” words and then adding in colloquial “no-no’s.”
I’ll keep posted! -Aun Aqui
I actually really like Jessica. There is nothing wrong with taking pride in what you feed yourself and your family. My husband and I take turns cooking, if I cook, he does the dishes, and vice versa, that is only fair. Unfortunately, I do think that if I didn’t encourage this arrangement we would eat out every night and gain fifty pounds.
I do think Jessica seems nice. I was really into her idea and even thought that maybe I’d buy her book until the segments that bothered me. And like I said above, that’s more Oprah than it is Jessica. Shame on Oprah! (Usually, I love the woman.)
Best. Line. Ever: “Why can’t this asshole make his own grilled chicken? Is he just too handsome? What the bloody hell, man?”
xox
Eating healthy with convenience foods can be acheived. You just have to find a vegetable everyone likes and serve it. Our house goes through spurts of what the kids like and do not like. Sometimes it is frozen broccoli and others it is canned (bad mommy, I know) pears. But they are eating fruits and vegetables in their normal looking format. Great post and great discussion. Congrats on being pressed.
I can’t say I’m a huge fan of cooking! Yet I enjoyed reading this! :-)
Having not seen this Oprah episode but being educated in the Sociology of Food, Bio-Nutrient, still love to cook after 20+ years, I hate not being appreciated!
After I’ve shopped, paid for the food, and created a nitrous tasty meal, is it too much to expect others to get off their asses and do the dishes? I am all for the equitable distribution of household chores.
But fellow bloggers, let me inform you of the huge costs associated with the Industrialization and Food from my post The Family Weighs In, surviving the picky eaters in other “food” category posts all found @ http://aligaeta.wordpress.com/category/food/
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
“But no one even mentions what, to me, was obvious. Why can’t this asshole make his own grilled chicken? Is he just too handsome? What the bloody hell, man?”
LOL Awesome comment and a wonderful post!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. I have nothing against pre-packaged meals, they’re quick, easy and when one is tired from working I know the last thing I want to do is spend a lot of time in the kitchen. When I do feel like cooking, I like to find the recipes that are in the 45 minutes and under range so that I don’t spend that much time in the kitchen. Usually the recipes get a thumbs up or two from my wife.
Great post! I don’t have kids yet but makes me thankful that my S.O. grew up with an Italian mother AND father who loved to cook. He’s great in the kitchen, which I whole heartedly appreciate…now it’s about cleaning those pans ;)
First of all, I hate being made to feel bad about not buying organic foods and not doing my grocery shopping at the artisans stalls of the Farmer’s markets. I live in Manhattan,too, and don’t have Jerry Seinfeld for a husband. Ergo, we live on a budget, as does my entire neighborhood. Many of my neighbors use food stamps to pay for milk. Second, I’d like to point out to these women that I have a food culture, too, and my ethnic background doesn’t diefy dry chicken breasts. Living as I do, as an American with a European husband, food is one of the only ways I stay connected to that part of my heritage. I, and all the generations of Asian women before me, have lived off white rice. Stop telling me white foods are the devil! Stop telling me to trim the fat off the pork.
I cannot, cannot, canNOT stand Jessica Seinfeld. Who made her Best Woman Ever to Have Children? I’ve seen her videos, and I know she’s been endorsed by that other Rich Woman With A Cookbook Coming Out – Gwyneth Paltrow. At least Paltrow is honest and has said “I have a great live and I think people can benefit from what I know on how to live it.” They’re not starting a revolution, they are trying to head a tyranny.
Oh, I love Gwyneth. Didn’t know she was coming out with a cookbook. I don’t follow too much of celebrity culture–or watch full episodes of Oprah very often–but I can get behind Gwyneth any day. (Except the name Apple. Don’t think I quite get that one.)
Well, I guess, I should admit that the reason I know a lot about Gwyneth’s comings and goings is because I subscribe to her newsletter, which I curse, as I read. It’s true, I hate her for telling me that nothing is a better present than a personalized item and then demonstrates the fact by showing off her $5,000 monogrammed Luis Vitton Suitcases, which she got as a present. But on the other hand, she seems to really love cooking. Her cookbook is coming out soon, and it promises not to be vegan.
Um, the 5,000 bag is annoying. Can a bag that expensive really be worth it? It better last through the apocalypse.
I enjoyed your post. I echo the sentiments Joy expressed above about there being a difference between being a SAHM and being a mother who works outside of the home as far as meals go.
If both my husband and I worked full time, we would most certainly have to split the cooking, and there would likely be a lot more pre-made & pre-packaged dinners served at our table. But I’m here. I chose to be here. Because I am here, there is no excuse for me not to have a decent meal on the table around 6pm most nights. And if my husband were home full time, by choice, and I were working outside of the home full time, the same would apply to him. Yes, once in a while, if the frozen pizzas are on sale, or if I’m just plain exhausted, it’s a quick’n'easy night (nachos, beans & hot dogs, etc.). Nobody minds at all. It’s a nice break.
For the most part, though, good food is simply part of my job description — and I’m fine with that…
Agreed! I am a horrible cook (horrible!) and I don’t see any reason why, just because I’m a woman, the household-y duties should fall squarely on my shoulders. They shouldn’t fall squarely on the man’s, either, but as a fifty-fifty split between partners. You both want to eat, you can both cook. I resent the implication that it is a woman’s responsibility to cook to “please her husband” or some other nonsense. Limp asparagus, indeed! :)
Anyway, great post, and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
witty and on point, great post
xx
http://cupcakesandwhiskey.wordpress.com
Yeah, you’ve touched a nerve here! Cooking now is not nearly as much fun as it was before kids…the pressure of dinner on the table EVERY NIGHT…
I work part time, have three boys, my husband only cooks pancakes and spaghetti. Taught the boys how to cook so they can make dinner in a pinch. Everything from scratch (except tomato sauce) because it’s CHEAPER to feed teenage boys that way. One child with severe food allergies, so we almost NEVER eat out. I’m willing to spend that one hour a night to cook, but not much more!
I can see your point. I’m not a mom yet but there seems to be a lot of pressure on what kinds of foods to feed your kids. I don’t remember my mom stressing a whole lot about this–she covered all the basic food groups and kept sweets at a minimum, plain and simple. It’s all about balance. I love, love, love to cook–trying new dishes and techniques just makes my day. However, Kraft’s three cheese mac ‘n’ cheese tastes great, too.
Fabulous post! I’m so with you girl on this one! And if I hear one more person on television (celebrity chef or an aspiring one) of their dream to cook with seasonal local produce.. I might just barf…lol…
Great post. My husband and I both work full time, and do rely heavily on pre-packaged dinners for the weeknights. Especially those skillet meals. We always throw in extra frozen veggies. It’s not ideal, but it’s what works for now. We have on child who is 3, and like someone else wrote, wants chicken nuggets every night. She could care less if I slow-cooked a pork roast and made mashed potatoes from scratch. Lucky for me, my husband does not shirk meal duties at all and jumps right in. Actually, he’s a great cook….if we only had the time! The celebrities and their advice for us “normal folk” just kill me.
My kid wants chicken nuggets every night too.
It goes like this:
“What would you like for dinner?”
“CHIIIIIICKENNNNNN NUUUUUGGETTTTTS!!!!!!!!!!!”
Why do I even ask? :)
I, for one, think you are dead wrong. Of course women are suffering from anxiety about how they are supposed to put healthy meals on the table for their children when they work all day long. Why wouldn’t they be worried about that? But, unless her husband needs her help to financially provide for the family, or unless there is no husband to speak of, the woman does not need to complain about this when she has chosen to work. Primarily, it is the woman’s job to take care of her husband and children. This includes putting a healthy meal on the table every day of the week, or arranging to otherwise feed the family.
You know, I often use boxed things to supplement my meals. From rice to noodles, frozen vegetables to store-bought bread, I use these items to make dinner time a bit easier on all of us. Yet, I still do the overwhelming majority of the cooking in my household. That’s the way it should be. Man has been tasked to love his wife, while the woman’s job is to help her husband.
Therefore, unless you are literally being forced to work outside your home, please stop complaining about the pressures that are being put on women to take care of their families. Please stop whining about equality. Men and women are different, therefore they can never be truly equal. That’s just how we were created.
On another note, I don’t think of the apron as a sort of handcuff to domesticity, as you imply. Rather, it is a tool used to keep one’s clothes clean.
Lindsey, You seem to be living in a warped reality. Maybe in your situation–in a very old-fashioned Christian family, I assume–you can take on all the domestic roles while your husband works. But many, if not most, women work outside the home in some form or another. It’s 2010. Women aren’t just meant to “help” their husbands–we’re supposed to help each other. If you don’t believe that a husband and wife are equal, you may not want to hang around this blog. You’re not going to like what you read.
Though I am married with children, living in a Christian home, my situation is not old-fashioned. God’s Word is as applicable today as it was the day it was written.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says:
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Likewise, man is supposed to love his wife. That doesn’t mean that he should hold her down and prevent her from becoming all for which she is destined, but that also doesn’t mean that she is his equal. They have equally important roles, but hers is of a supportive nature.
Yes, it is 2010, and many women work outside the home. Some do this because they honestly have to. Others, because they want to maintain a certain standard of living. But, at what cost? The well-being of our families? The destruction of our marriages? The increasingly lower standards that we place upon the food we consume? Our health, both physical and mental? I’m sorry, but I would not trade the health of my family or my marriage to have the latest gadget, biggest house, or newest car. It just isn’t worth it.
As for whether or not I continue to read your blog, if you’ll have me as a reader, I’ll remain. I actually do enjoy reading opinions other than those that wholeheartedly agree with my belief system. I like to stretch my brain a little. I just cannot agree with you on this one point.
Hi Lindsey,
I’m Jana’s husband, Mike.
I just wanted to let you know that even though Jana works full-time, we have an awesome family and we’re not materialists–not by a long shot. So go ahead and keep your sanctimonious judgments to yourself.
And as for Bible quotes, come on. If you’re creative enough, you can find a quote to support any point of view, no matter how ridiculous. Chew on this for a while, ace:
“The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword: their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open.”
— Hosea 13:16
Merry Xmas!
Poor thing……………
As you can see, Lindsey, my husband gets a bit worked up about bible quotes. (What a gentleman, trying to defend my honor! Wink.) I was going to let your comment stand, but let me just douse this fire a bit.
I don’t think most women work so that they can get nicer cars. Many of the adults I teach, in fact, are single mothers. They are struggling to pay the rent/mortgage and trying to get an education so that they can provide a better life for their children. It’s hard to “help” a husband when he’s not around.
Other couples work so that they can afford food for their dinner tables, or medicine for illnesses, or diapers and any other necessities. Some mothers work when their husbands have been laid off or have become disabled. To suggest that women work out of selfishness or materialism makes you just seem oblivious. Maybe you don’t need to work out of financial necessity, but many people do. Women work for the same exact reasons men do.
My point is that I don’t think all of the domestic jobs should fall to the woman. Cooking, like other things around the house, should be a joint venture. The feminist movement happened for a reason, you know, and while you may not think you agree with it, you do benefit from it every single day.
Bless us Lindsey for we -my mother and I – have have Sinned. We work…for the sheer pleasure of it! Glorious fulfillment of my innate (aka God-given, aka natural) talents! My mother is the main bread winner of the family. Why? Because she is. She has a great job that afforded her and her family awesome opportunities that would otherwise not have come our way. Was it necessary? Nope. Fun? Yup. Are my parents still married? 35 years and counting, thanks. I work. And it’s not out of necessity or selfishness. It’s because I’m passionate about my work and I’m talented. You remember that parable about servants and talents, right? It’d be a shame to waste me, my husband says. So am I to understand that God didn’t give you anything to do in life besides be an appendage and read the bible? Wow, you’re really missing out on being a woman. Oh, well, you snooze, you lose.
You made some excellent points here. Growing up, my mother was a SAHM all of her life. She had ten kids, did the laundry, cooked EVERY meal, cleaned house, helped with homework, etc. BUT…she taught us all to do those very same things as we got old enough to learn so we could help her out around the house. So, I learned how to cook at an appropriate age.
I love to cook. But I don’t like to cook in a messy kitchen, or when I’m tired, or when I’m hungry and want to eat NOW. I’ve been a single mom of two kids for about 8 1/2 years. Before that, I was a SAHM and a part-time working mom at different points in my children’s life. I kept up the tradition of trying to cook most meals at home when I had my own kids and was married. And I always had a great supper on the table for our evening meal. However, it was a lot of stress sometimes to get that done. I would feel guilty when I didn’t have anything decent ready for my family because I just wanted a break. No one put that guilt or stress on me but myself, trying to fill my mother’s shoes. That’s just how my generation was raised, for the most part. I would feel like a loser if I couldn’t do half the things my mother could with only two children to raise compared to her ten. Again, I put that stress on myself.
Now, as a single parent, I really learned to ease up on myself. My children and I have spent many enjoyable evenings eating out. I figured out how we could eat well and eat inexpensively (many times for around $20 for the three of us–they are now older teenagers–and not at fast-food places) and which places were the ones where we could get the best deals for our money. I have also taught both my children how to cook early on. My daughter is an excellent cook and my son loves to experiment after watching the food network. They help out with the cooking most nights, and sometimes make a complete meal with side dishes all by themselves. It has really helped me out many a night when I’ve come home tired. And we do eat frozen meals now and then because there are some really good and healthy things out there now that I don’t feel the least bit bad about feeding my family.
As far as being in a relationship and who does what, I think as long as everything balances out and there is no resentment for any job that one person has to do, that’s the most important thing. We all have different talents to contribute to a relationship and you should do what works for you. Great topic and great post!
I think you’re exactly right. Every couple has to figure out which roles they’re going to take on. No one should avoid cooking just because it’s traditionally been the woman’s role. I just don’t like that a lot of these television programs are suggesting that role should go to women. (Or denies the men who are cooking for their families!)
Agreed!
If it’ll make you feel any better, I couldn’t concentrate on anything Jessica was saying, because she had a humongeous clump of hair on the side of her head that had come undone. At one point, her hand flew up to her hair, so someone must have made some kind of motion to her that meant, “Honey, you finally made it on Oprah, and you couldn’t even get your hair right.” I noticed after the commercial break that she had been “fixed.” But I’ll bet everytime she sees that clip she wants to crawl into a hole and eat Hot Pockets for comfort.
I belted out a huge laugh when I read this. I noticed the hair, too! I couldn’t believe they let her go on stage like that! But hey, at least she’s human.
great post! it is interesting that its always women who are put under pressure to provide the meals – I agree that men should get involved too.
Amen, Jana. The day I can get all of the people in my household to be home from work/school/obligations at dinner time AND be less picky about what they eat, I’ll worry more about cooking five star meals for dinner. Oh, and I’ll also need to be able to get home from work several hours before everyone else to get that five star meal on the table. And I’ll obviously need to clone myself so that I can have enough time to plan menus and shop daily for the freshest organic local ingredients, as thats clearly what we should all strive for.
I’m not knocking the idea of eating healthier, we all should do our best to do that. But I’d really love to not be made to feel inferior by rich celebrities who have time on their hands and household help, not to mention gobs of money. Perhaps super rich people like Oprah and the Seinfelds should fork over some cash to subsidize actual real working mothers so that we can work part time (or not at all) and spend our time in the kitchen! ;-)
wow – I cooked for six people for about 18 years, and didn’t think I minded it THAT much – but now that there is just me and the hubby – I’ve lost interest. Lucky for him he likes to cook (started about six years ago). I know how to cook healthy (crisp asparagus included) – I love my husband, love myself too – just can’t get up the energy to cook for two – rather get up the energy to go to a lovely restaurant and be served – if only that worked seven nights a week. the result is we dine on far too many grilled cheese sandwiches and soup.
Seriously funny, loved this post. I can totally relate because I’ve always wanted to be a really good cook and make really wholesome things (especially with a little one on the way) but I find myself burning all kinds of things, dropping some of those things on the floor (and yes picking them back up again- I’m not going to waste a chicken breast!) or doing something to the oven to make that burnt smell last and last- but the point is I’m learning what works for me and thats the most important things for women to remember.
Thanks for posting that Marge Piercy poem — it’s one of my favorites :)
I do most of the cooking in my household, because I genuinely enjoy cooking, but I am also a professional woman with a busy life outside the home and don’t have time to roast peppers (jarred ones will do) or make my own yogurt (that Fage stuff is pretty darn tasty) or shop the farmers market every week for locally grown seasonal produce (frozen vegetables are always in season at the grocery store) — which is just some of the helpful “advice” women’s media have given me lately.
(I really resent media/advertsising’s presumption that — thanks to my girly bits — cooking is in my nature and “proper” cooking is my duty. I know how to cook for the same reason my husband knows how to cook — as children, adults taught us the rudiments of cookery).
Hi Jana,
First off, congrats on being Freshly Pressed! And secondly, great article! I think it brings up a lot of good points, and sheds some light on the struggle faced by women who want to both work and feed their family well.
I couldn’t agree less with the above poster, Lindsey, who says, “Primarily, it is the woman’s job to take care of her husband and children. This includes putting a healthy meal on the table every day of the week, or arranging to otherwise feed the family.”
I think we can all agree that this kind of thinking is very 20th-century.
As partner of a lovely working woman in contemporary times, she and I both share cooking/cleaning duties. Your gripes with the wealthy/handsome husband who sits back and complains about his wife’s cooking are spot-on. He should get in there and cook! Jeebus!! I do, and making dinner a family affair is rewarding in its own right. I know of other households that involve their children in the process, too. They can wash veggies, can’t they? Set the table? Tear up spinach? Drain the pasta?
And to all the commenters out there who think cooking is a pain: it really does get easier! If you plan your meals well, it is 100% possible to throw together a nutritious, delicious meal in 30 minutes or less. All it takes is PRACTICE! (Lots and lots of it, actually.) No nannies, no kitchen help needed.
Moreover, while the bottom line of feeding ones family IS the most important aspect, regardless of what you feed them, there are a couple important things to remember, including:
1. On average, children won’t eat a new dish until it has been placed five times in front of them. (This includes the first-time gripe, “This is the worst macaroni I’ve ever had!” which can be a huge setback to the cook’s self-esteem…) Also, I’ve noticed that the biggest block to a child trying and liking new foods is often the parents themselves, who say, “My kid won’t like that.” Sometimes they’re pleasantly surprised!
2. What food we buy has a tremendous economic and environmental impact on the world (every box of KRAFT Mac n cheese fattens Phillip Morris’s bank account, after all!), so make it a) fresh (not canned), b) organic and preferably c) vegan!
3. Plastic and cardboard packaging makes up a huge part of the average family’s garbage each week. Check your own can before it gets taken out, and see how much of it is made up of plastic wrappers, cardboard, take-out packaging, and plastic boxes and tubs. Even if it’s “recycled,” there’s still waste involved!
4. Processed foods, which many if not most pre-prepared foods are, are not good for us, and not good for our children. Period! Better for them to eat celery sticks and carrots for the rest of their lives than consume meals with 50+ ingredients made out of enriched white this and partially hydrogenated that!
Thanks again for posting, and for allowing me to weigh in!
I do want to point out that I said, “or otherwise arranging to feed the family.” I wholeheartedly agree that children should be involved in the process of preparing the meal, setting the table, and/or cleaning up afterward. Also, if the man wants to cook, then so be it. However, the wife should not complain about having to do the lion’s share of the work. In my experience, many working women moan and groan about having to do anything around the house, including cooking.
Great tips very helful, cannot afford organic at this time, I rarely purchase can/box food too expensive at almost a dollar a can (I like to purchase bulk sale items, but not anymore). Come to think of it I do have less trash. Yes, I agree it is less expensive to cook homemade and more healthy in protein/vitamins, But fat will always be there (natural fat), better than the hydron-oils. Yes, eating veggies, fruits, less take out, is an advantage to a growing child (even white rice, until we can explore other varieties).
Oh em gee! I love this post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Hey, Jana – Congratulations on having your post featured on Freshly Pressed. Clearly your post has hit a nerve!
I’ve been spending a lot more time lately thinking about the food I put into my body and into my kids’ bodies (especially since my gestational diabetes diagnosis). We’re lucky enough to be able to afford to choose organic or local products and I do as much as possible. And, especially after reading Michael Pollan and watching documentaries like Food, Inc., I am concerned about the ways in which U.S. government subsidies continue to keep prices of less healthful foods artificially low while access to healthier choices remain out of reach for many consumers.
But your post made me think about this issue in a new way – through the lens of gender roles. In our house, I do most of the cooking. But that’s by choice. I like to cook in general; I love to bake; and, these days, being in the kitchen feels like a break after taking care of the kids all day. So, for me, the main emotion associated with cooking is pleasure, not guilt. I do think there’s a problem, though, when the assumption is, as a previous commenter suggested, that a woman’s job is to take care of her husband and kids. That’s a decision to be worked out by each family – just like who cooks and who does the dishes.
I do want to start cooking meals that are a bit more impressive, and I plan on it. I agree with you that it can feel like a break from the kids, if your husband is home when you cook. Mine doesn’t get home until one has already gone to bed, and the other is about an hour or hour-and-a-half away from blessed bedtime. So it’s very hard to cook and deal with toddlers. Besides, frozen pizzas can be fairly healthy. Pizzas freeze up good, y’know.
But I share your concerns about government subsidies and so forth. I look at the ingredients in my food and try to buy things that are not artificially processed as much as possible. When I read Fast Food Nation years ago, I vowed never to step into another fast food restaurant. And I haven’t.
I’m with you! I love to cook, but I also love a good prepared foods meal from the freezer aisle or your local neighborhood Subway chain. I love pizza and sandwiches, so leftovers will always do. I think you need a good balance of nights filled with cooking and nights where you just stop by Little Caesar’s and grab a hot-n-ready pizza. I think this way, the nights where you DO cook are a bit more special and treasured, rather than filled with hesitation and frustration. You should ALWAYS cook when you have the time to…not when you have to assemble something that looks like a meal in 20 minutes. And if your husband doesn’t like that idea, then tough luck…he can dine at McDonald’s any night he wishes to!
Great post…congrats on FP!
Jessica Seinfeld is a kitchen genius. I learned so much from her when she was on Oprah. Yes, she is quite the chef. The expression that came across her smug face as she pulled chicken and vegetables out of the oven…you would think she cured cancer. Oh my!
Hoping you recognize the searing sarcasm.
At least Jerry is proud of her. ;)
Very well put! True equality will be the day when both parents take charge of home just as well as well as their jobs.
I did not see this episode of Oprah nor do I do know of Ms Seinfeld’s work…. but that is absolutely suprising to hear that as strong of woman as Oprah would allow portrayed thais type of stereotryp on TV… I am talking about the husband. He is a pretty lucky guy to have a wife that wants to make him happy to the point of letting him make fun of her on TV! As for what I am reading about Ms Seinfeld’s recipes, it sounds like she is sneaking healthy food onto her kids plates… not teaching them to eat well!
I do however have to say that I work as does my husband. Most of our friends do to… and I can tell you that there are no chicken nuggets or any other kinds of fast foods on our table. If the kids complain, they can go to bed. I serve the same thing to them the next day for breakfast. They are both under six and know that they eat what is made for them.
Both my husband and I cook. I cook more often then him, because I am crazy about cooking and have more flexible working hours. We live in France where most families have dual working parents. Thanks to the food culture, both parents work together to feed their kids well, without stress from what I can see. I cook fancy on the weekend. During the week, we have a very basic healthy type of cooking that is easily managable. McDonalds, take out pizza, instant rice are not an option.
Parents as a team should learn to work together for the health of the family. It has to be a joint effort that will unltimately benefit both sexes.
There is no reason for us to feed our kids junk food! It is just as easy to provide healthy food as it is to make junk food… it just takes a little practice to get the basics down. Yes, once upon a time this role was passed from mothers to daughters. Today family cooking techniques have to be relearned and passed from parents to their children!
I find that cooking offers me a creative escape..when I’m not on a schedule. During the week? Survival of the fittest and thank goodness for rotisserie chickens! I have no expectations that anyone owes me a meal and the best ones I’ve ever had are those prepared by someone who enjoyed preparing it – gender aside! The aprons at my house have been worn by 5’2″ me and my 6’4″ son.
Saw that Mother Oprah episode you write of and …let’s just say if my husband had written such things about me (worst cook in America), he’d find himself eating Spak sandwiches off the lunch wagon for a very long time.
Congrats on being fresh pressed!
I love this post! Brilliant!!! I happen to find that if your like us (the women who prefer not to cook but still cherish a well home cooked meal) the best thing to do is to find a man that loves to cook! I believe that every family has to find their own path, this includes who fixes the meals. However, we are in 2010, the idea of a man helping with dinner, the kids, household chores is no longer just an idea- I just dont understand why people can’t except it and go on-not everyone wants to be a home bound house wife who cooks for her husband.
I enjoy cooking and I am ok at it. But now that the baby is here, I find myself taking shortcuts all the time. However, there is one thing I have to say, and I hope you and the other readers don’t hate me for saying this, even on my worst day, I have never ever made dinner that is beyond edible….I feel a little left out actually when I hear all these great and funny stories of women who mess up a meal beyond repair…my skills at cooking very bad are poor :(…
Jackpot, Jana!
I love to cook. (And in slower times, I’ve done freelance recipe development – Earning in an apron! Oh my.) I make dinner because for me, cooking is an expression of creativity and productivity that helps me to unwind from the workday. My husband appreciates it, but he certainly doesn’t expect it. He does expect to load the dishwasher, and chop the onions. He makes breakfast on weekends, and he’s the bread baker of the family.
Quaint domesticity sure is en vogue, from knitted knickknacks to chickens. I’m often inspired by the creativity and simplicity I see and read about, and I’m happy with the ways my household habits are part of that overall trend. But when a trend or a movement turns to expectation and judgment? Yikes.
I’m not going to feel bad for making Annie’s Mac and Cheese a pantry staple.
(p.s. Limp asparagus. Hehe.)
I’m glad you got my asparagus joke. You may be the only one!
Great post…and SOOO refreshing. I work from home full-time, market my business the other half of the time, help my husband run the cattle ranch (there goes the rest of the daylight), do the finances, do the dishes, wash the clothes, take care of the shopping, and clean the house. I’m lucky if I have TIME to eat, let alone cook the food. I love cooking, and my husband loves my cooking, but I’m incredibly tired of everyone making me feel like I’m a horrible wife if I don’t put food on the table every night. I think everyone should be thankful I even found time to clean that empty table. :P
Does this apron make my butt look fat? At the risk of hearing a “yes”, I will step away from the kitchen and let others do the cooking. I did enjoy your post though and congrats on being FP.
Blessings,
Ava
xox
what a lovely post this was. smart and personal and honest and observant — this sort of vigilant and sincere feminism is simply a pleasure to find. keep writing well (:
I really don’t cook either. Is that why I’m single? LOL!! Great post!
I don’t cook because I don’t want to poison people and if I did cook anybody that comes to the table and wouldn’t like my cooking would starve because I would not try to please them.
Brilliant! Both men AND women responsible for cooking healthy meals for their family. Isn’t it funny where our blind spot is sometimes? I totally agreed with your “Why should she be expected to do everything?” but completely missed the obvious answer — teach *him* to cook!
(Oh, and I got the asparagus joke too. *wicked grin*)
I’m so glad my husband is my partner 100% and would NEVER sell me out like that, especially on Oprah.
Great post (and subsequent comments!)
Whew! Thank you this was a great article. I shop the Farmers Market and Whole Foods and I’m all about preparing made from scratch meals, but the reality is I’m a mom of a 8 and 3 year olds and they would prefer cheeseburgers and fries everynight! I must admit I’m a foodie, I love everything from fresh organic veggies to calamari to the super high calorie Chicken Bellagio at Cheesecake Factory! But I’m just comforted to know that there are other moms who have the same dilemma at the end of a long work day as I do. I’m comforted in knowing that I’m not a bad mother for just wanting to do a frozen dinner or order take out some nights!! Thank You Jana for setting me free!! At the end of the day, my kids, your kids, Jessica Seinfeld’s kids will survive without us slaving over a made from scratch meal every night of their 18 years under our roof!
You are not a bad mother! Glad to have helped you lift this weight. :)
I love this!! I shared it on Facebook. I think this is absolutely amazing and true! :)
Thanks for spreading the word!
sing it, sister. and i do love a good apron; check mine out here: http://radicalmuffin.wordpress.com/
Thank the gods/goddesses that DH and I are childfree by choice. I can experiment on him, my captive guinea pig. Each winter I go into a project mode. One year I was learning all I could about making homemade bread. The next year it was soups. Last year I had a failed attempt at making stews and braised meats in some kind of complicated and expensive pot thingie I foolishly bought at Crueset for about a million dollars.
This winter I’m not sure what I’ll focus on. Part of me wants to return to the basics. Like, why is it I’ve never tried to make a pot roast? Something about it intimidates me. And why am I so unable to bake a turkey? They always turn out rubbery and dried out. Maybe it’s a return to cooking simple, satisfying, meals – which can create lovely nights of leftovers.
cool photoshop work.
Actually, Becky, I used this photo through a Creative Commons license. Check out the credits on the bottom of the page. Don’t know what I’d do without all of those great photographers!
Argh. It is SO INTERESTING how our views of men and women ARE STILL HERE, they’re just in different, less obvious forms. Whoever said sexism is dead is an idiot. Just take one look at commercials, and anything having to do with food or cleaning, it’s always the Mom. Sure, she might be stressed cuz, good for her!, she works too – but does the Dad lift a finger? Nope. He’s there with the happy kids, wondering where the food is or stinkin’ up the couch.
PS I don’t have children but I have no patience for recipes. I’ve found buying local food at farmer’s markets (yes I know I am lucky that this is so easy) or CSAs means I can just put it in a pan or the oven til it’s done cooking means a great meal. Without the fancy prep. Just sayin’.
Great post and congrats on being Pressed!
I love this post! I came from a family of good cooks. My grandmother believes it in her heart that we should cook everything from scratch! I am not that patient though. Your last paragraph reminded me of my first few days in cooking. The kitchen was a mess, I sweat five liters just by chopping the tomatoes, I cried over onions, and I gained endless lbs. just from tasting what Im cooking every 3 minutes.
I made a conscious decision to start preparing meals and I am more likely to stick to it now because we found that our youngest daughter couldn’t process fat properly and so we have to be a little picky with the foods we eat. It is a challenge and providing variety in what you cook is mind wrecking especially when you have other things, like work and grocery shopping and kids and husband, to think about. :)
say it, sister!!
First, congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Second, “But no one even mentions what, to me, was obvious. Why can’t this asshole make his own grilled chicken? ” — EXACTLY what I was thinking!
I LOVEEE the name of your blog and I love this post, To be honest, I’ve been in an apron around my mom and I am still young so this is nothing new. I don’t really cook for anyone else by myself and it happens to be a bonus for my boyfriend.
not everything frozen is as dangerous as black ice :)
I have the same sentiments. It’s great if you have extra hands to help you out. Plus, I’d like to see ol’ rich Oprah help a poorer family shop for affordable and nutritious food. Quite frankly I’d tell that husband to get his ass in the kitchen and cook himself.
I love to cook grill cheez and grilled chicken and LOVE to make intence salads I do the dishes every night and empty the dish washer in the morning we all do are part… great post..
Love it! Absolutely true. I’m not a cook, not even close. I have way too many things on my plate and becoming a “chef” is just not one of my priorities. But I do want to cook healthy, edible foods for my family of five, so I try to experiment a bit. Thankfully my husband is a sport. If I get stuck on a gravy not working he’ll jump in to help me, and if I make something that turns out to be really bad, he’ll say thank you anyway, eat what he can and have a snack later. I sometimes get stuck on having to make the perfect meal, but I can say for sure, it really means a lot to me that I don’t have a husband who expects the perfect home cooked meal every evening at 6pm on the dot. I can’t imagine having him call Oprah to say my meals suck!
My husband is one of those in an apron. After working a full day at the office he comes home and actually enjoys cooking dinner for the family. We have an unspoken deal- he cooks and I’ll scrub the pots (and I’m a slacker, so sometimes he gets stuck doing that too). I try to prepare something at least (most) three nights a week and it’s OK; it’s edible; it won’t land anyone in the ER. But this man can and does cook. And if there’s left over rice guess who’s having rice pudding while catching up on 30 Rock. He’s absolutely wonderful and has never insinuated that I’m less of a wife or mother because I don’t enjoy and excel at cooking. In our house cooking is not a gender assigned role (thank God or we would have a serious problem).
Just took my kids to Subway after 8 hours of work, an hour of homework, cleaning the kitchen, piano lessons, and an indoor soccer game. I was feeling guilty. Now I don’t. Thanks.
Great post! Great poem!
i love cooking, and am damn good at what i do make, but until I experiment on my own with more foods I wouldn’t serve them to others. Meanwhile my specialty is a mean stir fry. Anything with veggies, eggs, noodles, meat or chicken. And a pan or pot. Love it. And I’m a dude.
This is a great entry. I had a boyfriend once who moved in with me and thought it completely natural that I would make his lunches as I made mine. I soon sat him down and scheduled us in for alternating weeks of preparing lunches. Seemed like a good idea but I ended up enduring awful lunches each alternate week until we broke up! I guess there just wasn’t enough social pressure on him to prove that he was a successful partner by creating delicious meals.
As a card carrying feminist myself, it pains me to report that as the stay at home mother in our family, it is 100 % my job to provide the healthy meals for our family. Tonight for instance it was sushi. But whatever I decide to produce on any given night, be it a chick pea curry or a peanut butter sandwich, my family knows to sing my praises regardless.
(I do swear by my kale smoothies – recipe on my blog – I make them in two minutes, and they are so chalk full of nutrients and super foods I don’t care if my kids eat a frozen pizza for dinner. Perhaps twisted logic, but I sleep well at night.)
I don’t think it should pain you. You are at home – it probably makes sense. My husband and I both work, but I get home first so I do most of the cooking. Do I feel it’s unfair? Not really – he’s busy picking up the kids, grabbing last minute groceries, and when he gets home he’s supervising homework. ANd though I am a great cook when I have a menu planned, on those days when something goes wrong, and I’m not sure what to make, guess who steps in…he’s a great on-the-spot cook who can find inspiration in the contents of a half-empty fridge and make it taste good. It’s all about sharing the load – in whatever way makes the most sense.
Great post. I have one on my blog about the day I watched The Food Network and decided for some strange that I too could cook. Ugh. I hate to cook. I can make really good gravy though, how odd.
Well said, well said! Great post! LOL! I don’t have kids yet, but I do have a boyfriend (future husband) who loves to cook, and so that’s very helpful. I can never utter a bad word about my idle comedic show, Seinfeld (it’s my inspiration for my humorous writing), but I do think it’s naive and even a bit pretentious for Jessica Seinfeld to run around and act like it’s so easy for the working mom to make her “easy” meals. I work full time, plus freelance on the side, own a house, cook my own meals, etc. And even that’s hard to keep up with (I look for shortcuts as well). I’d never thought of the food revolution in your terms, but it does add another layer for women to feel as though they’re not living up to some perfect, idealogical Stepford Wife. Well done!
Shari Lopatin, http://ShariLopatin.wordpress.com
it is so hard to balance things like this in life!
hilarious photo and great post, by the way!
i am grateful for a husband who enjoys cooking from time to time and is actually quite good at it. ;)
This is a lovely post. I like to cook, and I’m pretty much the main cook at my house, especially since I decided to go vegan this summer. I even have an adorable retro apron that I wear now and again. I enjoy all this. But my sex/gender doesn’t deem me the cook of the house. And anyone who thinks it does wouldn’t be eating very many meals at my house.
I would not do what that guy did, no matter what I could win. Plus I do some cooking in the kitchen. My daughter asked for my Italian Meatloaf for her birthday meal! I do spaghetti, chili (hot) and others. I can fry eggs ssu/oe/or scrambled, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and french toast. I do most of the grilling (almost anything) and am teaching my sons. I also help with clean up and get the kids involved too. Kitchen work can be family fun and teaching moments!
The thing is, they didn’t win anything! Unless you count her black-sequined apron. I’m sure he’ll be happy to take that back to NYC.
Wow….that Linsdey post flashbacked me to 1954…….ok back to 2010. (Yes, some wives even have to work for health insurance because the husband doesn’t get it.)……anyways…….I loved your blog.
I work hard too and my hours fluctuate through out the week. I’ve realized I just can’t be Supermom or superhuman. So sometimes I don’t make dinner but my husband does…..who happens to be a better cook than me. I wished I love to cook but I don’t.
Congrats on freshly pressed.
http://lifebehindthemakeupcounter.wordpress.com/
I’ve heard it said before and realize that it can’t be said enough: just because women can now do anything we want doesn’t mean we have to do everything! We put too much pressure on ourselves when we try to be domestic divas AND equal bread-winners. There’s nothing wrong with men; they’re just as capable as we are of sorting whites from darks in the laundry room and operating a vacuum. Why don’t more of us insist that they do so on a regular basis? Great post! Thanks!
I’m feeling soooo old school. Not knowing of either Jessica or Michael. I do know when I was a younger, single mom I did put pretty decent meals on the table with fresh food. I simply could not afford processed, ready made items. That was my fact of life, so I might have preferred doing something different, by cooking up a couple of pounds of ground beef or cooking the chicken the crock-pot and using it for a couple of different meal–I really didn’t find it difficult. Just a way of life. Now, several kids later and not single and broke, I still do pretty much the same of slow cook meals, easy stuff like tacos and chili.
A fancy cook I’m not.
I’m not a mom, but I still take shortcuts in the kitchen especially when I come home from a 10 hour day working in the fields. However, as a farmer I also take issue with your interesting correlation between the”food revolution” that I believe is very real, and the roles of working mothers (or mothers in general) in the kitchen. From my standpoint the food revolution is not meant to cause mothers guilt and anxiety about what they are feeding their children–let me rephrase that—it IS meant to create more awareness in everybody–to wake people up to how we feed our families, how important food is to us, what we are shoving into our mouths on a daily basis. It’s not really about feeding our families 5 star gourmet meals 3 times per day, flitting around in our pretty aprons and kissing each family member on the head while serving with a smile. The “Food Revolution” is more about just paying attention to where our money goes when we go to the grocery store. It’s about being aware of how we can make wholesome easy meals that don’t take up our precious time with each other or our quiet time by ourselves. It’s about supporting a local economy versus a gigantic corporate entity. Yes, I’m biased because I’m a small operation farmer. But I think this revolution is an important movement toward changing and enhancing the way we feed our families and relate to food, whether it be a frozen pizza or home-cooked roast chicken and potatoes. And yes I am fully aware that a kid is gonna eat mac and cheese over fish and squash risotto any day. But let’s not blame our guilt over what we’re feeding our kids (and ourselves) on the current “food revolution”.
And by the way I felt your and your husband’s response to Lindsey’s post was a bit rude and snide. And I don’t even agree with her point of view.
Congrats on be “Freshly Pressed”.
I really like what you say, here. Thanks for your thoughts from the front line of this revolution!
Good post and congratulations on being freshly pressed.
However, everyone should learn to cook – men and women – especially men and women who have children. It is an essential life skill.
as a girl who specializes in a fab pb&j, i love this post! great stuff. thanks for the read!
http://luckyenoughblog.com
Nice post! I’m not fond of cooking but of course as a mother I need to cook for my family. Actually I ask someone to cook for us but then I realize that as a mother I need to do my responsibility. Now I’m collecting recipes, just the basic one—that it’s easy to cook. Sometimes my husband cook for us if he know the procedure, he’s enjoying too, he wears an apron and sometimes he wears a chef hat while our twin daughters laugh at him. Everyday we are sharing a happy meal, more happy when our children try to complement” Mom, dad the foods are good.”
‘pouting at my pork chop’…. I like that. Nice post.
I have been a little surprised by the Jessica Seinfeld publicity also…but I imagine she can afford it. :)
When my kids are grown, I will return to my normal eating habits. It’s hard to find a balance right now!
Whoa, Mike, way to come in and stick up for your wife! She better blog very nice things about you…at least for a little while!
I have a sister, so that makes two children for my mom to manage and yet she does it amazingly well. She seems to have no worry at all about working and cooking for us. I must say, I feel that my mom is a marvelous cook, because she makes the best healthy food and it’s like it’s calling for us to eat it.
Let’s just say, we don’t need a call to tell us when it’s dinner time.
Ashley
Although I yet have a husband to cook CRISP asparagus for, I immensely enjoyed this post – made me laugh as I pictured the hilarity of it all. Just seems rather silly of me that a woman, who we assume has higher brain functioning, would willingly put herself in a situation in which the whole damn country (because honestly, who doesn’t watch Oprah!?) knows about her wilted asparagus and how she fails at cooking. Who cares if she couldn’t boil a pot of water, but the fact that husband mocks her?
I can tell your where I’d stick that sexy black heel to where he’d damn well be pleased with my soggy asparagus and rice. Smh.
Great post, and great poem at the end there!
This made me chuckle :)
Well done !
Congrats on being F.P.
Keep up the good writing.
I have a sign in my kitchen that says “I know how to cook, I just don’t.”
Loved the article– assholes, asparagus and all!
Ok. I’m not saying this to have any tomatoes thrown at me. Like many of you who feel you have no choice but to work outside of the home, because of the amount of children (seven) my husband and I chose to have together, I actually save us money by staying home. By the time I was pregnant with our third child, just before mat leave, we sat down and figured out the logistics of it all. It would have been an expense for me to go back to work. Because over the years I have learned my way around the kitchen in an old-fashioned way (this is where traditional Acadian recipe books vs. modern gourmet ones came in handy in a big way for me), our grocery bill rivals that of most of my friends’ who have small (1-3 children) families, and we eat very well.
I understand that this is not an option for everyone, and in truth, our generation has most certainly not been raised to be hands-on domestic: we have been raised to be intellectual achievers. It was a struggle for me (IQ at the high end of gifted in this corner) to find my more “practical” self and let her co-exist happily with Bookworm Jo. So I completely understand that many of you just plain HATE cooking! Some days I do…
At the risk of sounding like a bit of an old granny (at 33), just a small tip that has made life much easier for myself on days that I am away for hours at a time, and for my stepdaughter, a full time working mother of a one-year-old: GET A SLOW COOKER. Use it. Often. It’s easy. It makes delicious food. It fits entire meals into it that require 5-10 minutes of prep work before leaving the house in the morning. It provides a welcoming aroma to come home to that greets your senses when you walk through the door after a day of working your butts off, when the last thing you want to do is think about making a meal. Her partner works part time so that he can be home with their son more often, and will do the cooking on his days off or on shorter shift days. He loves that thing, too…
Thank you all for reading and sharing your thoughts about this issue!
I want to clarify a few things. First, I don’t think Jessica Seinfeld is the devil. In fact, I think her cookbook is a good idea, and I would be happy to add it to my collection. The issue I had was with the way the Oprah show presented it. All of the “bad cooks” were women, and their incompetence in the kitchen was seen as a problem that needs fixing, pronto. I don’t think my lack of cooking skills is a huge problem, because my husband makes excellent meals. I make spaghetti and bread a mean chicken cutlet when I have to. On this episode of Oprah, however, no one showed a man in the kitchen or even suggested that men like to cook and do cook for their families. This is what I mean by added pressure upon women to not only cook for their families, but also make sure everything is delicious, fresh, and from scratch.
Further, I don’t condemn women for cooking! I think each family has to figure out what works best for them. One day, I’m going to devote myself to cooking more often. I just haven’t gotten there yet. I can see how it would be a great creative outlet and a meditative process.
And as far as the food revolution–I think there is a lot of value to what writers like Michael Pollan and Mark Bittman are saying. I just want us to recognize that whole families can take this into consideration. Men can be part of the shopping and the cooking of these organic foods, not just women. There is a reason that so many boxed and frozen items became popular–it’s because people (often women) don’t feel like they have the time to put together a great meal. If families work together to rethink the ways they consume food, we can make sure that we eat healthier and better. I don’t think all of the pressure should fall on the woman’s/wife’s/mom’s shoulders.
I hope to see you all again, even when I’m not freshly pressed! (Because I rarely use an iron, either.)
I saw a good recipe by Jessica Seinfield on one of her videos (Jerry casually walks in to the back ground) for halibut on spinach. It went like this: Smash a clove of garlic, then take the garlic (as if a pat of butter) and smear a cookie sheet with its juices. Lay down a bed of fresh spinach tossed in a 1/4th teaspoon of salt, over the freshly garlic-juiced cookie sheet. On top of the spinach, place 4 halibut steaks that have been smeared in olive oil, and on top of each halibut steak, two slices of lemon. Bake at 450 for 7 minutes. She raved about its deliciousness. It does sound delicious, but pricey: 4 halibut steaks? At least $20. A box of fresh organic spinach? $4. Lemon? $1. I guess a $25 meal for 4 ok? (2-3 really, let’s face it. Kids won’t eat halibut.) Still a savings over out-to-eat.
I learned how to cook boxed foods and meat at a young age as the oldest of 3 and two working parents. My husband- the best cook I know, in or out of a restaurant, taught me the true art of cooking. Simple, wholesome ingredients. And though I often enjoy cooking now, you will most often find him cooking/serving dinner. I know I am lucky, but I see men cooking in the kitchen a lot among my friends and colleagues. My good friend, an Italian man, taught me how to make pasta. We made ravioli. It was fun, easy, and not too time consuming. Definitely something fun to do with two or three people.
I don’t think it’s so much a gender thing anymore- I think some people truly enjoy cooking, while others don’t. Poor lady in the sequenced apron- maybe she really hates cooking and just wants to be on Oprah! haha
I forgot what should have been my story. My husband doesn’t eat very much. So if he eats lunch then he doesn’t eat dinner when he gets home from work. So of course the big question when he gets home from work isn’t, hi honey how was your day, it’s did you eat? If he says yes I do a little dance. If he says no I shrug and slink off to the kitchen to defrost some hamburger meat, the only thing the man eats. He hasn’t eaten lunch all week so surely today has to be the day!
Love this post! I have a lot in common with you, love the whole green organic movement but with 3 kids and a picky husband, find myself buying and consuming a lot of frozen and processed food too. We have to deal with the battles as they come, right? Keep writing!
So, for whatever reason, there are no reply buttons beneath your and your husband’s comments.
First, to address Mike– I’m not sure why you picked that particular passage of the Bible. All it tells me is that people who rebel against God (by not following His plan for marriage, perhaps?) will have to face punishment. That sounds about right to me.
Jana– I understand that there are many women who are forced to work out of necessity. To those women, I am sorry. I think I may have been misunderstood. My materialistic comment concerns those who don’t actually have to work outside the home, but do so anyway.
As for the benefits that I receive from the feminist movement, there may be some. But, for me, I see the movement as a detriment. You see, husbands used to be paid enough to support their families. Now, in many cases, mothers must make do with much less in order to be able to stay home and care for their children.
At any rate, I’m willing to agree to disagree. I recognize that my beliefs are obscure, even amongst stay at home mothers.
Firstly, ley me say I enjoyed reading this post and most (but not all as yet) of the comments. I will have to read in stages!!!
To Jana and Mike and other 2 parent working families. In your world it is fine that you to share the outside work and domestis chores. In other families it is the sole responsibility of the husband to support his wife and family. I am not saying one is better that the other, a bit like poached eggs vs. boiled eggs ,which is better, whater floats YOUR boat. But, I have to agree with and support Lindsey. Being a SAHM since getting married, having 2 teenage daughters (who also want to be SAHM”s) I do not work (for payment) outside the home and my husband does not “wear an apron” in the kitchen!
Why your posters (and most women) seem to link wearing an apron only with cooking is beyond me. It is like linking shoes only to walking. We run in shoes,climb in shoes, jog,ride, peddle ,drive etc. in shoes. Why link aprons only to cooking as if one is dependant on the other. An apron is a garment to be worn to keep from soiling ones better clothes. I do agree cooking is probably the most likely domestic activity where an apron is required, but when doing everyday housework, I find an apron invaluable. I put my apron on first thing of a morning and apart from a change of dress to go out I wear it all day. Both my daughters wear an apron for their work and also at home. It is not something we put on and say “lets cook something”. For us aprons are not restricted to the kitchen.
Also let me say , I don’t think women should beat themselves up if they don’t, or can’t cook like “Martha” or their gran. Sometimes, it is just because they were never taught. But ladies, it is never too late to try. Not all men can fix an engine either!!! So go and get an apron, an nice feminine one, not a blue and white butcher style unisex one and give it a go, you might even enjoy it!!!!
Blessings to all,
Grace.
I really enjoyed reading this post, as I can totally see where you’re coming from.
I think each couple is different and it’s unfair to lump them all together (i.e., blaming the wife for not having an adequate meal on the table.) If the wife enjoys cooking, GREAT! If the husband enjoys cooking, AWESOME! But if neither wants to cook, then both should help out. It’s part of a healthy relationship *and* it helps to ensure a healthy meal is put on the table.
Great post!
absolute gold! so witty and very engaging!
and jessica seinfeld…. i had to actually google her to see who you were talking about…. and now i wish I hadnt… annoying much??
I was exactly like you with the pickiness, yet I still continue to be that way to this day. I’m engaged and I still only eat certain things, don’t like my vegetables, and I am extremely picky. Luckily, I never have to wear an apron because the man does all the cooking for me. He cooks, he bakes cookies from scratch (I never even knew you could bake cookies from scratch, my mom doesn’t cook/bake and never will) and so I let him do that work. I’ve screwed up macaroni and cheese sometimes, so I am more than willing to have him cook for me. Great article!
“But no one even mentions what, to me, was obvious. Why can’t this asshole make his own grilled chicken?”
Well, the obvious answer is that he’s been socialized to believe that men are incapable of cooking anything except a steak, and that by the expedient of letting it perch atop a barbecue for a randomly-chosen interval.
To do my part to redress the matter of kitchen-appropriate gender, I believe this will be the weekend I see how our two-year old son responds to my salmon souffle. I’ll forego the apron, though, since that’s only to preserve the clothes I’ve worn to work and not needed on the weekends.
It’s all about balance and moderation. We can’t all cook fresh meals every day if we are living busy lives but we can avoid relying completely on fast food or frozen meals. Two or three ‘healthy’ meals a week can be achieved.
And yes, men must play an equal part! In moderation…I don’t want all my meat burnt!!
I think it is neat however, that women are starting to feel comfortable again in a domestic world. The ‘you-too-can-have-it-all’ era of the 80′s and 90′s sort of jaded a generation or two about what femininity really is. I just think that is a positive sign that women are shifting their focus back to their home and family.
I have a family of 5, and we are pretty laid back about meals. It doesn’t have to be a production, or even 100% organic for it to be healthy and nourishing for your family. If dinner’s at 6, or 8 doesn’t matter as long as we’re together and there is a least one hearty veg on their plates. I’d rather have kids who have character and grow up in a harmonious environment than kids that spout off all the time about organic food and the ozone layer. That’s just me. I’m sure there are plenty to disagree with me. All things in balance, I guess. There’s a middle ground between eating fried foods, and organic. And in our house, whoever is the least exhausted at the end of the day is the one who cooks. :)
Oh. And?…..Ikea has the coolest looking aprons right now with stars on them. Just recently bought one, and as a joke I’ve been calling myself Baker-Barbie. Considering that my husband is the more thoughtful cook than I, it’s been pretty funny. Even my kids look at me with skepticism: as if I brought home roller skates and plan to skate every day. They’re supportive, but privately laughing at my expense I think.
I’d be the first to buy a cute apron. It won’t have sequins though, I can assure you. And you’re right, it is nice to be domestic once in a while, except when the apron turns into an albatross.
Lets just think about trying to wipe our dirty hands on black sequins for a moment. That image still pisses me off.
I LOOOOOVE cooking – and I am SOOOOOOOOO happy others don’t!
Coz: I hate to cook for myself and prefer to cook for others and myself.
Is the family out, I am either loosing weight of spend a fortune on great restaurants or: invite others to eat in with me at my place!
Ever heared of the “meal share central”?
It’s a German project where you can sign up and offer a meal at your house. Guest can browse a database and find hosts. Very much like Couchsurfing – but for Lunch, breakfast, dinner.
Holy cow! Judging by the number of comments, you’ve really hit a nerve. I love to cook and don’t mind it, but with working full-time, I definitely need to be prepared. My beef is that if I do the cooking, then he better be giving the kid a bath. Unfortunately his motto on that is “he’ll get a bath one day a week whether he needs it or not!” Nice, huh? I’m the one with the stinky kid in school. And, he better also be willing to step up and help me think of dinner items AND do grocery shopping if called upon to do so. If I left dinner-making up to him, it’d be hot dogs, baked beans and mac and cheese – every_single_night, except for when he subs tater tots into the mix. I don’t mind any of that, but every day would be a bit much.
And, on a more serious note, if you are ever looking for quick dinner ideas, pop me a note. I am all about that – and mostly they’re not that bad for you. I know all the shortcuts.
HEY! So you made me think – I offer my counter (and offer a link to your blog) http://frozenspaghetti.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/women-cooking-men-building/
They said that cooking is an interesting job. Well, maybe, for them it is. But in my part, I really don’t like it. I don’t know why. It’s just maybe that I’m not into it and I was not given such kind of talent to cook. I’ve tried many times but I always fail. Yeah. People are really different in many ways and each of them have their own to be proud of. Nice article.
I love cooking and I wanted to experiment different kinds of recipes. I am always watching cooking shows and wish I was there!
I guess one of the perks to being a single mom, is that when I mess up a dinner, no one is around to complain to frickin’ Oprah! I love to cook and am pretty on board with organic. However, with Hannah, I had to get over it, and just give her anything she would eat. My best friend helped me with this one day by reminding me the chemo in her body is way more chemicals than Cheetos will ever be!
Jana, I think I am the 154th comment! Wow! Awesome job!
Great post. I am so with you on this one. i love my food. Both my husband and myself try to cook home made food every day (him more than me) and we too enjoy more than enough wine alongside, but our favourite meals also include beans and chips, baked potatoes and shop bought salads, bacon and eggs. My eldest son won’t eat a single fruit or vegetable, and his diet is pretty horrendous though we do try. But i knolw more than enough grown ups who spent their childhoods eating pizza with no cheese (seriously) but are now adventurous with what they eat. This country has a big problem with obesity, but it isn’t difficult to see where that comes from. It isn’t due to a few ready meals a week, the odd biscuit, or the odd Maccy Ds. It’s going into the takeaway every day on the way home from school, never getting out to play football, having crisps and chocolate on the way to school. I’m bringing my two boys up to be as physically active as they can be, but yes they probably eat too many biscuits. hands up. shoot me.
as it being th women that are failing. * off. We all have a responsibility in this world.
M2M
I am going to start this comment by saying how much Jessica Seinfeld annoys me. I mean, why is she writing book after book about being the perfect wife/mother when she cheated on her first husband? I’m sorry, does marrying Jerry just erase all of the terrible things she did prior to him?
Anyway, on to your topic – I am not a very good cook and lately my husband my kid’s picky habits are working my last nerve. I wish I’d had the foresight to serve them things that required intervention from a cheater like Jessica Seinfeld. Because then everything would be right in our world…right?
I think I’ve said enough mean things about Jessica so I’m off now…but thank you for a fabulous post that makes me feel better about my unimpressive cooking abilities. You are awesome.
I love cooking…But I didn’t learn it from my parents…I learned it from my three teenage older brothers. We were making macaroni cheese peas and tuna fish, spaggetti, grilled cheese, so on and so forth while my parents where at work… Then when they moved out, it was left to me to teach my little brother how to cook… 11 years old with a kitchen and a 10 1/2 year old younger brother to make what ever we wanted… but our parents had to like it as well since when they got home they had left overs to eat… So began me grabbing out the unused cookbooks from the kitchen cabinet… I cooked my first thanksgiving dinner when I was 12, all my mum did was help cut veggies and we both did the dishes…Years later from self teaching my little Bro and I are two of the better cooks in our family… The only time I hate cooking is when I’m told what to make… ticks me off faster than a clock… Some people are born cooks… I too dislike the whole Seinfield woman… But alas I love purried carrots in my chocolate cake…
I gave up watching Oprah a number of years ago. Partly, because my TV died. But partly, because every time I watched it I was either angry with one of the guests, my husband, my family, or Oprah herself. I understand that Oprah means well, but somehow she always hits the wrong nerve with me.
And so, I am happy to say that I know that Jessica Seinfeld is the wife of Jerry, but that is ALL I know about her. Perhaps it’s for the best.
(Also? I like to cook. I hand-knead bread and can my own jam. But I do that out of choice, and I agree that we need men to share the load equally.)
I hate that YOU ARE A WOMEN GO COOK SOMETHING message… Honestly you dont want me to cook..it’s really not that great when i do.. might actually be a hazard to your health! When I do cook my husband is so incredibly picky i end up with bland blah food that doesn’t interest me at all. How do you be a good cook for a picky husband and eat healthy with a wide variety of foods? YOU DONT! There are other ways.
Great post thanks for sharing!!
Ok so I mostly agree with the sentiment expressed in this post. I was recently shopping for kids cooking tools for my son and was slightly irritated that most kitchen-related things were marketed towards girls. However, I did come across a good number of things that were geared towards both girls and boys.
What I have taken from the food revolution is the need to pay closer attention to what we eat. I have not gotten a sense that it was gender-targeted (Oprah Winfrey show aside). There are plenty of men at the helm of this and never once has it seemed like they were sending the message that women need to get in the kitchen with sequined aprons and stilettos (though I love a pretty apron). The message seems to be yes, we are all busy, and maybe we cant cook 5 course meals from scratch daily but we should be informed, and make the best choices possible.
I understand the plight of a working mom. I am a teacher and a mom of two. I like to cook but my husband is the main chef in our family. Things can get chaotic but we are trying to teach our kids the value of living a healthy lifestyle- eating well and staying active.
I’m new to wordpress – and just stumbled across your blog by accident. Love what I’ve read so far – and yes I agree totally with this post!
So glad to meet you, and welcome to Wordpress! (As though I’m some WP mascot or something.)
Excellent! I laughed at the stiff asparagus comment. I do so love to cook and my husband happily stands by and lets me, but it’s by mutual choice. Three of his brothers are the main cooks in their families, not their wife/companion.
But I take many shortcuts with the kids. And the pressure on me has more to do with living in France than on being a good cook because I’m a woman (that portion is too big, you already served meat for lunch so you shouldn’t with dinner, he shouldn’t have a second egg in one meal, etc).
I loved this post! The other night, I joked with my husband that I was glad that our kids did not eat baby food anymore… I don’t know if I could keep up with the trend of making homemade organic baby food (although I do see its benefits).
My husband did all the cooking in our house for 10 years, before I made the decision not to sign my teaching contract in March and stay home with the kids. Now that I am home I have taken over the kitchen, but when he comes home he still pops in to help.
I did not feel bad about sending lunchables with my kids to school when I worked full time. Although, I have heard all the arguments against lunchables and nitrates… and how I could make my own lunchables using organic products, it always was a question of time. If having lunchables available enabled my husband to help in the morning, and I needed the help. Time is valuable and most of the time I wanted that extra time to spend with my kids.
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