Progesterone: a hormone which plummets in a woman’s fourth decade and may cause brief, intermittent bursts of psychotic behavior.

See also:

Children: Small screeching creatures who change settings on woman’s iPhone.

Husband: A man who “does dishes” by leaving large pots in the sink.

Dishes: Porcelain, plastic and glass items that magically appear only moments after they are put away.

Synonyms: Laundry

Antonyms: Freedom

Neighborhood Bank 

1: Asbestos-ridden financial building whose workers look like they crawled out of a hole in the ground.

2: Institution whereby citizens hand over hard-earned money and are told they cannot retrieve it for several days. (Citizens apparently do this willingly. White-haired and/or balding men get rich from the interest.)

See also:

Interest: something women with low-progesterone levels rarely have.

61° and raining

1: weather report for Friday, January 27th near Philadelphia

2: symptom of polar ice caps melting

3: sign of “end times”

4: weather which, combined with woman’s low progesterone levels, causes increased propensity toward psychotic behavior

Free and easy wanderer pills: magical, easy to swallow pills given by acupuncturist or herbalist which make Woman her usual enthusiastic, nurturing self

Tea 

1. archaic: universal antidote to common ailments such as seasonal affective disorder, anxiety, moments of existential crisis

2. modern: universal antidote to common ailments such as seasonal affective disorder, anxiety, moments of existential crisis

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